The Thoughts and Prayers of Yesterday
by addisongrace22
Summary: When Jay and Will's father is killed in a car crash, he leaves his sixteen year old daughter in the custody of the two brothers. A half sister they didn't know anything about and a half sister that wants absolutely nothing to do with them.
1. And So It Begins

**So here's another story for you guys! I hope you guys like it and you'll leave me a quick review!**

 **This is going up super late at night, so please excuse any spelling or grammar errors that I might have missed.**

* * *

 **Jay POV**

"Wanna head home babe?" I ask, Erin tucked under my arm. It had already been a long day, but the rest of the unit had convinced us to head to Molly's for a drink. The time has been been slowly creeping towards 10 o'clock and I know that both of us are close to collapsing from pure and unadulterated exhaustion.

"More than you know," She tells me with a grin as we walk towards the exit of the familiar bar.

"Bye guys!" I call behind us, hit with a chorus of farewells from Atwater, Burgess, and Ruzek, along with Sylvie Brett and Sarah Reese who we seemed to have picked up along the way. Voight and Olinsky came out with us on occasion, but it was just the five of us today.

It hasn't gotten too cold yet, but there is definitely a brisk chill wafting through the streets of Chicago. We quickly make the drive out of Bucktown and across the river to Lake View, pulling up in front of the townhouse that we're still in the process of moving into, boxes half unpacked all over the place. But it's certainly starting to feel like home. Not Erin's place that I moved in, but the place that we found together. Our home.

"You want to have some fun tonight?" I tease as we climb the stairs to our bedroom, her hand held within mine.

"I'm just going to jump in the shower," She says as she trudges up the second set of stairs.

"Oh alright then," I say, trying to hide the disappointment in my voice.

"But I guess I could use some company," She says with a seductive smirk.

"You don't have to tell me twice,"

* * *

"Did you set the alarm?" Erin asks as she towels off her wet hair, a new engagement ring flashing in the light. I'd proposed to Erin a few months ago and after a brief freak out, she finally agreed to marry me. It makes me happy, reminding me of what I'll have for the rest of my life every time it blinks in the glare of the light, a single diamond resting on a thin white gold band, simple, yet beautiful, just like my girl. That's the main reason we moved into the townhouse, we knew that we wanted to start over as a married couple in a new place, and our journey brought us to the stunningly modern townhouse in Lake View.

"Yep, 6:45, we still on for a run tomorrow morning?" I confirm with her.

"You bet your ass we are," She says forcefully as she pulls up a pair of pajama shorts.

"I mean it is a chance for you to redeem yourself after last time," I remind her as I pull a pair of sweatpants over my boxers.

"Hey I had a cold," She claims as she sends a glance towards me, tossing on a tank top.

"Oh sure, of course you did," I say with a smirk as I collapse onto my side of the bed. It really has been a long, long day, though that's not abnormal at the 21st District.

"Well either way, get ready to surrender your title tomorrow morning," She says as I feel the side of the bed dip at her weight.

"Whatever you say Er," I say with a smile as I reach over to give her a quick kiss before turning out the lamp on my bedside table, Erin doing the same.

I'm just starting to drift off to sleep as I hear my phone start to ring.

"Who's calling you this late?" Erin groans as the noise wakes her up, she had fallen asleep a few minutes ago and her voice heavy with sleep.

"I'll just let it go to voicemail," I say.

"Just decline it so it'll shut the hell up," She decides.

"Fine," I groan as I roll over to grab my phone from the bedside table. I'm about to decline the call, but I stop as I recognize the number. It's not saved into my phone, but it is a Chicago Police Department caller. It must be something work related. Although I don't know why anyone other than Voight would be calling me in the middle of the night. I answer it anyway.

"Hello," I respond, my voice groggy as I wake myself up again and Erin rolling over to the other side of the bed.

"Sorry about the late call, but this is Desk Sergeant Alison Howell at the 19th District, is this Jay Halstead?" I hear from the other end of the line.

"This is he. Is this about work?" I ask, trying to get this over with as fast as humanly possible.

"Uh no, I'm sorry but we need you to come down to the station right away. We found your name on a insurance card,"

"Excuse me? I don't know what you're talking about," I say confused.

"Is your father Ian Halstead?" Oh God. That's what this is about. I haven't seen my dad since he walked out on my mother, Will, and I when I was 14. And I really don't want to deal with him now. Or ever, more realistically.

"Did he get arrested?" I say, the annoyance in my voice clear as day.

"A couple of my patrols responded to a call about a car accident involving a drunk driver at the intersection of Larrabee and Webster. Your father and mother were involved in the crash. I'm going to need you to come down to the district as soon as possible." She responds, still not answering my question of whether or not he's been arrested.

"My mother died 13 years ago," I respond shortly.

"Oh I'm sorry for the confusion, your stepmother then," She explains.

"Can you at least tell me what happened? Am I bailing anybody out of jail?" I ask. God if I have to bail my dad out of jail, I am not going to be happy about it. But maybe I can get some answers out of him, ask him why he left his wife and two sons without a second word. And also as to why the hell he had them call me. And how he got my number. I haven't even seen the man since I was 14.

"I'm sorry, I'm not permitted to tell you that over the phone," She says.

"Okay fine, I be there in the next hour," I say, not knowing how far I'm going to have to drive so giving myself a fair amount of time.

"Thank you, Mr. Halstead," She hangs up and the signal rings over the line. I groan again as I slam down the phone.

"Babe what the hell is going on?" Erin says, slightly annoyed as she flicks on the light next to her.

"Something's going on with my dad, I'm supposed to go down to the 19th," I tell her as I hop out of bed. The faster I leave and get this over with, the faster I can come home and go back to bed.

"Now?" She asks.

"Yeah, now," I confirm as I pull a t shirt on.

"Alright, do you want me to come with you?" She asks as she begins to get out of bed.

"No, no, I'm sure it's just something stupid that my dad did. Stay here and sleep," I tell her as I hold my hand out, telling her to stay back.

"Tell me what happened in the morning?" She asks.

"Of course," I tell her as I drop her a quick kiss. "Don't wait up for me,"

"I don't think I'd be able to if I tried," She says with a laugh before turning out the lights. I smile back at her, knowing very well that she can't see me. I'm lucky to have her. And I'll be damned if I ever forget it.

I shove my feet into a pair of running shoes, too lazy to put on a socks and pull a sweatshirt on, just enough to keep me warm. I grab my wallet and the keys to the Sierra. It's been a bit of an adjustment, one being not driving around in the 300 and the other actually being able to do the driving. But we do still have the 300. After the district pulled it out of service and gave us the truck, Erin bought it off them, but we don't have to use it on an everyday basis anymore.

I make the quick drive over to the 19th, it actually being shorter than the drive to the 21st. I can feel the nerves building in my system. I haven't seen my father in twenty years. I have no idea if he'll even recognize me.

"Sergeant Howell?" I ask as I run through the front door, spotting a an older woman sitting behind the front desk.

"Yes, how can I help you?" She asks, her tight blonde curls pulled into a ponytail and her blue eyes kind.

"My name is Jay Halstead, we spoke on the phone," I offer.

"Of course, Mr. Halstead, please come with me," She quickly leads me over to two patrols pacing in the corner. They look nervous. And young. They must be new to the force.

"Marsak, Jolie, this is Jay Halstead,"

"Alright so why am I here? What did my dad do and why is his wife not dealing with it?" I ask, my patience draining. This really is the last place I want to be. I could be at home, asleep, next to my fiancee. But no. Because of my father, I'm here.

"Mr. Halstead, I don't think you understand," Officer Jolie tells me.

"Well yes," I nearly snap, "No one has said anything to me. So if you'd like to take me out of my misery that would be much appreciated," I say. I can tell that their patience with me is quickly running out, but I just really don't want to deal with my father at the moment and it's put me in a bit of a foul mood to say the least.

"They're dead okay? Ian and Mira Halstead right? We need you to ID their bodies," The man I identify as Officer Marsak snaps at me. Someone needs to enroll this guy in a class about people skills. I've done more notifications than I can count and I promise that that is now how to do it.

"What?" I respond, slightly taken back. He's gone. My dad is gone. It's not like he's been in my life, but I always knew that he was out there somewhere. All I can feel now is shock. Not sadness exactly, though maybe it's down there somewhere.

"They were killed on impact, I'm sorry for your loss," Jolie tells me. She's the softer of the two, it's pretty obvious. Her eyes are full of sympathy. The sympathy in her eyes is probably stronger than the sadness in mine if were being totally honest.

"Okay," I respond, still trying to work through my emotions. "Let's get this over with then,"

* * *

I thought I had had a long day yesterday. And then I had to ID my father's body. I'd thought throughout my entire life, that maybe one day I would see my dad again. And I guess I was right. But I didn't think that I'd be seeing him on a metal table with a white sheet covering his body. I got home at almost two in the morning and I slept a short three hours. If that.

I've been up since five, just sitting at the kitchen table downstairs, staring at the cup of coffee resting before me and taking the occasional sip. I got dressed to go running just when I woke up, so whenever Erin gets up we can go. After I explain everything to her of course. And if she gets up when she's supposed to, she should be down here in a matter of minutes. The alarm went off about fifteen minutes ago, so it all depends on how fast she moves.

I don't want to make a big thing of it. Although I know that Erin is going to want to. I gave up on my father years and years ago and very honestly I haven't felt too much in the realm of sadness. I almost feel bad about not being upset about it. Or maybe I am upset and I'm just in total denial. I don't know.

But he isn't, wasn't my dad. He hasn't been for the past twenty years. And the fourteen years before that disappeared the day he walked out. And it's not like he would have won father of the year even then.

"So how'd it go last night with your dad?" Erin asks as she runs in, disrupting my thoughts. "Was it awkward?" She asks as she grabs a coffee cup from the cabinet.

"Well he's dead," I tell her abruptly. I can tell immediately by the look on her face that maybe I should have built up to that.

"What?" She exclaims, nearly dropping the cup in her hands.

"Oh and he's gotten remarried to a woman named Mira. She's dead too," I comment as I take a nice long sip of the bitter liquid. Thank God I got that out.

"I'm sorry, but are we just skimming over the fact that you just found out that your father is dead? And you're just okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine," I assure her, "He's not my father anymore. He hasn't been for twenty years. He was just a guy that I happen to be the offspring of. It's nothing more than that,"

"Jay," She says slowly, trying to get me to open up. But there's nothing to open up about. He's gone. And I'm okay with that. At least I think I am.

"Erin, I'm fine. Can we just drop it?"

"Fine," She gives in, "Let's go on that run."

"But," I fill in for her, questioning what she's going to follow that up with.

"But we're talking about this later,"

* * *

"Told you I would win," Erin teases as she gives me a jab in the side, her face red with effort and beads of sweat rolling down her face, pieces of hair straying away from the once tight ponytail. I'm sure I don't look much better.

"Hey! I'm running on like three hours of sleep here, you were well rested!" I argue back.

"Oh excuses, excuses," She says, waving her hands through the air.

"Well I mean, I did learn from the best," I say with a smirk.

"Oh shut it," She says annoyed as we approach the townhouse. Luckily, throughout the run, the awkwardness has faded away and we were back to ourselves, banter and all.

"Wait who's that?" Erin asks, stopping suddenly as the two of us notice the suited man in front of the house. His hair is a silver grey and there's a leather briefcase hanging from his left hand.

"Only one way to find out," I say, instinctively grabbing her hand as we walk through the black gate in front of the townhouse. I open my mouth to say something, but he beats me to the punch.

"Are you Jay Halstead?'

"That depends, who are you?"

"Oh pardon me, my name is Jared Murphy, I was in the charge of the will of Mira and Ian Halstead," Oh God. We're back to this.

"Then yes, my name is Jay Halstead," I answer reluctantly.

"Well then I need to discuss your father and stepmother's will with you," He claims. I don't think I say anything for a while, but I suddenly open my mouth after Erin nudges me.

"Do we really have to do this right now?" I ask.

"Well yes, there is something in the will that is extremely time sensitive," He tells me.

"Alright then, let's get this over with," I say again, the same thing I said last night. Seems to be my mantra in this situation. Erin nods over at me before stepping in front of Jared to unlock the front door. The two of lead him into the kitchen and allow him to get settled on one side. The faster we can finish this, the faster we can both get into work and get on with the rest of our lives.

"I'm just going to excuse myself," Erin says as I'm about to take a seat across from him.

"No, stay here," I say as I grab her hand, my blue eyes connecting with her hazel ones. She doesn't say anything, simply nodding before taking the spot next to me.

"So what's so time sensitive about this?" I question as he begins to fan papers out all over the table.

"Well, obviously the first thing we need to talk about is the custody," He tells me as he pulls out a very thick stack of tabbed papers.

"The custody of who? My brother and I are both in our thirties," I respond, questioning him.

"The custody of your sister of course, she's still a minor." He tells me. I can almost feel my jaw hitting the floor.

"My sister?" I don't have a sister. This guy must have gotten his papers mixed up or something. There is absolutely no way that I have a sister.

"Well she's sixteen and she has to go somewhere right?" He says, most likely still oblivious to my confusion.

"I'm sorry, I don't have a sister," I answer, still extremely confused.

"You very much do." He tells me, his eyebrow furrowed as he scans the page. "Her name is Eloise. Eloise Jane Halstead. And custody has been assigned to you and your brother William Halstead,"

Holy shit.

* * *

 **I'm still a little unsure about this story line and I don't know if I'm going to keep going with it, so if you like it, please let me know with a review! Thanks guys!**

 **Much love,**

 **Addie**


	2. Call Me Ellie

**Thank you so much for the incredible feedback on the last chapter!**

 **I apologize for any grammar or spellings errors that I might have missed.**

 **I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

 **Jay POV**

"We have a sister?" Will asked, looking shell shocked as I recount the events of the last couple of hours to him. I'd told Erin to go to work, this is my situation and I have to deal with it. She protested, as I thought she would, but she shouldn't have to take a personal day for this.

But I do really need to talk to her. He left Eloise to Will and I, but it's not like Erin isn't going to be affected by it. Will lives in a one bedroom apartment, we have four bedrooms in the townhouse, so she'll have a sixteen year old moving into her house very, very soon.

But before I talk to Erin, I really needed to talk to Will. I'd taken Erin's car and dashed over to Med, pulling Will out of the ED and into the break room.

"Yeah her name is Eloise, she's sixteen," I tell him, "and Dad left her to us,"

"Wait what?" He asks, all the color draining from his already pale face.

"Yeah," I tell him softly. I'd known about her for a few hours now and I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. "She's with DCFS right now, but Dad's lawyer is dropping her off at the townhouse tomorrow morning,"

"Okay wow, they don't mess around," He says, taking a deep breath as he leans back in his chair, running his fingers through his dark red hair.

"Well she doesn't have anywhere else to go," I point out. "And it's not like we can just say no and let her go into the system,"

"So what are we going to do? Do I move in with you guys? Do we switch her between our places?" He says, throwing ideas out.

"I mean I think she has to move into my place. You have a one bedroom apartment, brother you just don't have the space. Our place has four bedrooms and even if you did have the room, it wouldn't be good to truck her between two houses, especially now," I tell him.

"Yeah you're right on that one," He adds, "But what do you want me to do?" He asks.

"I don't know, I have to talk to Erin about it," I respond to him.

"You haven't talked to her yet? Dude she's your fiancee!" He nearly yells at me, "You do realize that the two of us taking in a sixteen year old also means that she's taking in a sixteen year old,"

"I know that Will!" I exclaim. "But I needed to talk to you first. I'm going straight to the district after this to talk to her. But I needed a plan with you before I did that,"

"Okay so what's our plan?" He questions as he leans back in his chair.

"For most of it, I have no idea. But financially at least, we're covered," I reveal to him.

"What do you mean?"He asks.

"Turns out, Dad was loaded, either he made it all after he left, or Mira, the new wife had money. Regardless of where it came from, both of us are inheriting 5.3 million dollars. That's to cover Eloise's school tuition and anything else she might need, the rest of it, is ours to do what we want with, "

"What?" He asks, looking absolutely shell shocked. I had the same reaction just hours ago.

"That's not even the end of it. Eloise has a college fund that will cover up four years of undergrad and four years of grad at any school of her choice and when she turns 21, she gains access to a trust fund with 7.4 million in it. They have a townhouse in Lincoln Park too, but they left that to Mira's younger sister so we won't have to deal with that at least,"

"Alright that can't be his money," Will responds to me, still shocked at the numbers that I've pulled out. "It has to come from the wife right?"

"That's what I thought, but who knows? Would she really be okay with leaving a lot of it to the her husband's two sons that she's never met?" I say with a shrug.

"I don't know, it just seems weird is all," He says as I nod in agreement. "Alright so here's an idea, I don't know how much you're going to like it,"

"Shoot," I respond. I'm willing to try anything at this point.

"I think we should ignore the money," He suggests.

'What do you mean?"

"I'm not saying get rid of it, it's a safety net and it'll be a good thing to have, plus neither of us have any idea what kind of costs go along with Eloise, espiecially that school tuition, but we shouldn't go crazy with it. Just keep paying the bills, sending her to school, and doing what we've been doing,"

"Yeah I agree totally," I respond, "And I think you should move in,"

"You do?" He asks. He'd brought it up earlier, but I don't think he actually thought it was a viable option.

"I'll talk about it with Erin, but what we need to worry about right now is creating a stable environment for Eloise. And if I present it to her like that, I don't think she'll have an issue with it,"

"Okay yeah," He says with with a nod, "my lease is up next month, so it'll be pretty easy to just not renew it,"

"Good," I respond, "I'll call you after I talk to Erin okay?" I say as his pager begins to go off.

"Sorry I got to go little brother," He tells me as he gets up quickly.

"Go save a life, I'll call you later," I tell him with a bit of a grin.

"Jay," He says as he stops in the doorway.

"Yeah?" I respond.

"What do we know about this girl?" He asks.

"We know that she's our sister and that she doesn't have anyone in her corner. And right now, that's all we need to know,"

* * *

 **Erin POV**

He has a sister. A sixteen year old sister. One that will probably be moving in with us tomorrow morning. At least it's not some ex-girlfriend showing up with his child. That would be worse. Definitely worse. But this is still going to have a huge affect on our relationship.

And she's still a child. She's sixteen, so she won't see it that way, but regardless she's still a child coming into our home that needs to be parented. We're finally in a really good place right now, we're stable. And throwing a teenager into the mix puts all of that in jeopardy.

Where do I fit into all of this? Jay's dad left her to Jay and Will and I don't know how I'm going to fit into this. Do I discipline her? Do I fill the role of the fun older sister? Do I just stay out of it completely and watch from the sidelines? I don't know. And I don't think he does either.

I've tried not to think about it like that. I've tried to put her first in my head, she is the most important part of this scenario after all. But I can't help it. It's going to change our lives, whether we like it or not.

We left things things with morning with so many unanswered questions hanging between us. I've been checking my phone all day, looking for a text from him telling me he's on his way to the district to talk to me. But so far nothing.

"I thought you we're taking a personal," I hear Ruzek says as I look up from my paperwork. I notice Jay coming up the stairs and into the bullpen. Normally, our eyes would connect and we would share a discreet smile, but this isn't a normal day.

"I was, still am actually, but I need to talk to Erin about something," He tells him.

"Something that couldn't wait until she got home?" Atwater chimes in.

"Something like that," He answers him as he arrives in front of my desk. "You got a minute?"

"C'mon," I tell him as I start the short walk over to the break room, shutting the door behind us. The rest of the unit doesn't need to know about this just yet. I haven't even told Voight yet. I did notice Voight giving us a weird look as the two of walked over. He knows that something is up. People don't just come into work when they're out on a personal.

"Alright so what the hell are we doing?" I say, not willing to beat around the bush on this one.

"Well the first thing obviously is the living arrangements," He starts.

"And?" I interrupt.

"So she's going to be living with us,"

"That's fine, I figured we'd be taking her," I respond. I saw that one coming. It makes the most sense. Our place is bigger, it's closer to her school, and it's two adults instead of one.

"And I think it might be a good idea if Will moves in as well," He tells me, obviously more nervous about this one.

"What?" I say, not doing a very good job of hiding the shock on both my face and in my voice. That one I did not see coming.

"Her parents just died," He begins to explain, "Her entire world is being ripped away from her and if we can provide more stability to her, that's what we have to do. And it's three adults to share the responsibilities." When he puts it like that, it really does make sense. But it doesn't do anything to lessen my apprehension. I'm still coming around to the idea of living with one of his siblings, living with two of them is a whole other story. But it's what we have to do. "I know this wasn't what you signed up for," Jay says after I don't answer him right away.

"Jay," I say slowly, holding my hand up and telling him to stop speaking.

"Yes?" He responds nervously.

"Do what you need to do babe, it's your family. I get that and I promise you, I'm not going anywhere," I tell him as I grab his hand, gently running my thumb over the top of his palm. I can almost feel his anxieties leave the room.

"You're an angel," He tells me gratefully as he leaves a light kiss on my forehead.

"You've mentioned that," I say with a playful smirk.

"And I guarantee I'll be mentioning it again," He tells me.

"Okay so there's something else that we need to talk about," I say, nerves building in my chest.

"What's going on?"

"Where do I fit in in all of this?" I ask.

"What does that mean?" He questions, the look on his face revealing his confusion.

"Well I'm not her guardian. That's you and Will, to her I'm just going to be some woman who lives with her and sleeps next to her brother," I confess, having a hard time putting my feelings into words, but doing the best that I can.

"No you're not. And you know that." He says as he takes my hand again. "I want you involved in her life,"

"Okay, but I ask again, what's my role?" I reiterate.

"Honestly," He responds, "I don't know. But right now, I can tell you that you will carry as much weight in her life as either Will or I. We're engaged, you are going to be in her life. And we'll figure out what that means as we go, together."

"Okay," I respond. His words don't answer my question, at all. But in a weird way, they calm my nerves. It lets me know that he's just as clueless and scared as I am. And misery loves company right? "So uh an easier issue to deal with, but where are we putting everyone?"

"I was thinking that we put Will in the bedroom in the basement, just to give him a bit of privacy and some separation from us and then put Eloise in the room down the hallway from us. That way we can keep an eye on her,"

"Yeah that works," I add in, "And they'll both have their own bathrooms which is a good thing and if she's anything like me, she won't be able to sneak out as easily,"

"Oh I'm sure you were fine once Voight took you in," He says in a lame attempt to lighten the mood.

"Not at first," I confide in him. He knows more about my past than anybody else, except Voight of course. And even though I'm going to marry this man, he still doesn't know everything. I want to tell him, and I will someday. But I don't want to bring everything up just yet. "But we can hope that she's a study bug who wouldn't dream of sneaking out of the house right?"

"Well that would contradict anything and everything that Will and I did at that age, but yeah we can hope," He says with a smile.

"We're going to be okay," I assure him, only half believing it and trying hard to convince myself at the same time.

"I hope so,"

* * *

 **Jay POV**

There's a feeling hanging in the air. Dread? Hope? Happiness? Nervousness? Perhaps a mixture of all four?

The nerves have been building in my chest all morning. Will had come over last night with a few suitcases and we'd been running errands as well as cleaning the absolute hell out of the house, so I hadn't had time to be nervous. But now, in the light of day, as my heart pounds in my chest, I feel like I might pass out.

Will and I have both taken a personal day for obvious reasons, but Erin had gone into the district a little early today. She'd wanted us to have some time to bond with Eloise before we added her to the equation, and she'll meet her tonight when she gets home. And while it seemed like a good idea when we decided upon it last night as we laid in bed, I would really like to have her next to me right now.

Will and I had both been up early and gotten ready fairly quickly and now we're just sitting across from each other on the couchs, staring at each other as we wait for the doorbell to ring. Jared had told us that they'd be here at 8:30. It's 8:27 now so they should be here at any moment.

"They're late," Will comments as the time ticks past 8:31.

"Give them a minute," I tell him softly as I feel my phone buzz in my pocket. I pull it out to see Erin's name across my screen.

 _Don't worry, she's going to love you. I know I do. Call me if you need me. -E_

That woman can read my mind. And she's got astonishingly good timing. But quite honestly, I don't know what I would do without her.

The doorbell rings just as I put my phone away.

"Here we go," Will narrates as the two of us up, purpose in our steps as we both take uneven deep breathes.

"You ready?" I ask as I place my hand on the door knob.

"As I'll ever be," He says. I can tell he's nervous. He's playing with his fingers. I'm nervous too, more than I can even say. I just happen to be better at hiding it.

I take a deep breath as I swing the door open, ready to see our sister for the very first time.

"Good morning!" Jared says as he greets us, his smile wide and sporting a similar tux to the one he wore yesterday. But in front of him, stands a girl. She's petite and has a small frame, maybe hitting 5'3. Deep chocolate brown hair falls in perfectly straight strands down her back and her skin is extremely fair. She doesn't look much like either of us or our father for that matter. But what she does have is the eyes. Those Halstead eyes, striking and blue, something that we both share with our late father.

"Jay, Will, this is your sister Eloise," Jared tells us cheerfully. My heart is pounding in my chest as I wait for her to speak. She doesn't have us waiting very long.

"Okay, half sister," She interrupts, "and if you call me Eloise I will punch you in the face. My mother was more a little more than obsessed with the blonde girl with messy hair and suspenders running around the Plaza Hotel with a dog and a turtle. My name is Ellie. You will call me Ellie."

"Okay, nice to meet you Ellie," I say as I hold my hand out for a shake. "I'm Jay and this is Will," It seems too weird to hug her. She may be my sister, or half sister as she so lovingly pointed out, but she's 16 and to her I'm just a stranger that happens to share her eyes. And her father.

"Whatever," She says as she pushes past me into the hallway, ignoring my outstretched hand. "Where's my room?"

"Up two flights of stairs, second door on the right," I add in, talking quickly before Will says something we both know he'll regret.

She doesn't say anything before dashing up the stairs, leaving two large suitcases behind her on the stoop.

"Good luck," Jared says with a raise of the eyebrows before departing. Thank you?

"Well, welcome to the family," Will says sarcastically with an eye roll. I have to bite my tongue to keep from agreeing him. This is going to be so much harder than we thought.

* * *

 **So there's Ellie.**

 **I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! I will try to have another update as soon as I can.**

 **Please review!**

 **Much love,**

 **Addison**


	3. Spiteful Little Pixie

**Thanks to all the people who left reviews on the last chapter! I hope you guys enjoy this one!**

* * *

 **Ellie POV**

I woke up late yesterday morning to an empty house, the regular scent of coffee absent from the air. I've never had to set an alarm. My mom has woken me up every day since the first day of kindergarten. But when I woke up yesterday, it was nearly an hour later than usual. I figured that Mom had been running late to something or other and had forgotten to wake me. Although it was unlike her to forget anything. But I just got ready as fast I could, slipping into the full Bellamy Prep uniform, quickly plaiting my hair, and hoping that I wouldn't be too late to school.

But when I got downstairs, my Aunt Es, my mother's youngest sister, was sitting on the couch, bags under her eyes and still clad in pajamas, her feet shoved into sheepskin boots. Her outfit alone was enough to tell me that something was wrong. My aunt isn't the kind of person to show up anywhere in her pajamas.

The Townsend girls, Imogen, Mira, and Esme, beautiful, tall, and sophisticated, the golden standard of society girls in Chicago, trained to hold their heads high and keep their dark locks shining. They were the girls that every boy wanted to date and every girl wanted to be liked by. They were the "it" girls, always traveling in a pack of three. And even as they aged and married and had children, they still remained at the top of the pyramid. And along with my cousins, I was entrusted to carry on the legacy. I've only seen my mom leave the house without her hair and makeup done a handful of times. If nothing else, the Townsend sisters were always put together.

So the sight of my aunt in sweatpants and a wrap sweater, seems fundamentally odd. And that's when I knew that something must be terribly wrong. But my instincts weren't.

She called me by my pet name, Ellie Belle, something she hasn't done since I was maybe ten years old and then she took me in her arms.

That's when she told me, that my parents were dead. I collapsed on her and she held me for what felt like hours until my eyes had been dried of tears, soaking through my navy blue cardigan and down to my pale skin. She pulled herself together first, walking me upstairs to my room and helping me pack my clothes into two huge suitcases. I didn't know why, I figured I'd be staying here, with her, though I didn't ask. But my entire world was shattered again when she revealed to me that that wasn't the case.

That's the exact moment that I learned about my brothers. Will and Jay. The surgeon and the detective. My father's sons that he hid from me for almost seventeen years. I was so angry at him. I didn't even care that he was dead in that moment. He lied to me. He lied to me my entire life. And then I realized that he wasn't the only one in the wrong. They had both designated Will and Jay as my guardians. She knew about them too. I don't know when she found about them, but it doesn't matter. They should have told me. She should have told me.

My aunt tried to calm me down, but I was just so mad at them. I couldn't help it. And it didn't get better from there. She had said that I couldn't even spend the night with her, I was to be taken to a state run facility until my brother's were given the notification. I tired to protest, believe me, I tried. I tried everything. But it was all in vain. She assured me that if she could have, she would have taken me, but this is what was dictated by the law and by my parents. And I had oblige. I didn't have a choice. I still don't have a choice.

So a few hours later, she dropped me off at the Adams House for Girls. She gave me a kiss on my forehead, told me she loved me, and then promised that she'd come by to visit me once I got settled. Then she drove off, leaving me completely and totally alone. My emotions were a hot mess, all over the place. I don't have any idea what I was feeling. I still don't know what I'm feeling

After a night of crying, both out of sadness and betrayal and the girl next to me telling me to shut the hell up, some lawyer I'd never seen picked me up and put me in the back of his shiny Mercedes. He drove me back across town, trying to make conversation with me but failing miserably. Eventually he just gave up, succumbing to playing the radio.

I had to bite my tongue to keep from crying when this Jason Mraz song came on. My mom loved that song and she played it almost everyday on the way to school when I was little. It was our song. I thought of her every time I heard it.

I would sit behind her and we'd sing together, my feet banging against the back of her seat without me even noticing it and her not caring enough to say anything. Those were my favorite moments with her, times when she knew that no one was watching and she would just let loose.

As soon as the front door opened and I saw them standing there, I could tell that they didn't have any idea who I was either. My dad drew the lines in the sand, he kept his two families separated. I don't think I'll ever forgive him for that.

I don't know exactly why it happened, but as I soon as I opened my mouth, I was snapping at them. As I've had some time to think about it, I'm pretty sure it's a mixture of my old walls flying up on pure instinct and Jay looking just like our dad. I'm still mad at him.

And it's not his fault, but Jay will be probably be a vesicle for that anger for a little while. And Will is associated with Jay. And more than anything, they just aren't my parents. Well more realistically, they aren't my mom.

I could apologize, but I probably won't. I assume they'll be cutting me some slack for a while and I can play that game like a pro. I know that I'll come around to them soon enough, but I really can't forge any new relationships right now. So for now, I'm just going to do what I need to do.

The one thing I won't do in front of these guys is cry. My mother taught me to keep it together, with your head held high. She always said that my last name was Halstead, but I was a Townsend girl and I was to carry myself as such. And I know she would not have approved of my manners this morning, but she's dead, so I won't be getting a tongue lashing from her.

I stormed up to my new room pretty quickly. I noticed on the way up several pictures of Jay and some girl. I wonder if she lives here. Regardless, there's more than a few photos of her, so she's not just some random fling of his, so I assume I'll be meeting her fairly soon. She could have even been in the house when I got here and I wouldn't have ever known. There's only a few pictures of Will, so this must be Jay's place.

My room is small, well smaller than my old room, but it's nice, cozy. There's a queen sized black iron bed frame in the center of the back wall, a white comforter laying across it with a blue blanket on the end of the bed and several pillows in varying shades of blue propped up by the head board. This room had to be decorated by a woman, I can't put my finger on it, but there's just a certain feminine touch. It's similar to how my mom decorated our house.

I've been up here pretty much all day, just trying to distract myself. Well trying and failing. I pulled out my laptop to try and catch up on whatever I missed in school yesterday and whatever I'm missing today. I really hope that they'll let me go back to Bellamy tomorrow. I just need to get myself back to normal as much as I can in this extraordinary situation.

I'm a Halstead. I'm a machine. And I just need to power though this.

* * *

"I'm going out," I say, to no one in particular as I run down the stairs, my wallet and phone in one hand and keys in the other. My car is still parked in the garage of our house and I need it to get to school tomorrow, there's no way that I'm asking Will or Jay to take me. And I want to load the trunk up with the rest of the stuff that I want to bring over. At least the stuff in my room. I know they left the house to Aunt Esme, so I can go through the rest of it at some point with her.

I texted my best friend Rory Wilson to come and get me and she told me that she would. Her response was simple, not silly and goofy like the ones I'm used to getting from her, an emoji or two laced between her words. She knows. I know she knows. I hadn't told her, but word spreads fast at Bellamy, I'd already gotten hundreds of sympathy messages, from everyone ranging from close friends to people I've barely talked to or don't even know. I wanted to tell Rory myself, I really did. But I just couldn't find the words. I know she wouldn't have been able to find the ones to respond either.

"Where are you going?" Will asks, getting up from his spot at the kitchen counter. He and Jay had been talking in hushed voices, presumably about me. I don't ask what they're talking about. I don't really need to know. Nor do I care. At least that's what I tell myself.

"Out." I state again, my voice quite short and blunt. They share a look, Jay's eyebrows raised and I'm nearly sure that they're wordlessly deciding whether or not to tell me no. They better not tell me no, Rory's waiting for me outside. Plus I would just go anyway.

"Give me your phone," Jay says. He's not asking.

"What why?" I respond, pushing back at him.

"I'm putting in our numbers so you'll be able to reach us," He says as he puts his hand out in front of me. I don't move. "I'm waiting Ellie,"

"Fine," I say reluctantly as I unlock my phone before shoving it into Jay's waiting hand. He's quick to type the two numbers in before he gives it back to me.

"And what's yours?" Will asks as he pulls out his cell to copy it down. I huff again before answering him.

"773-277-4653," I say, "can I please go now?"

"I guess so," Will says reluctantly, "Wait when are you going to be home?" Oh wow they're actually going to try at this parenting thing. I wonder how long that's going to last. Well even if it ends tomorrow, they're still off to a better start than our father.

He was always working, always. He loved his job and often times I questioned whether he love it or us more. Well I guess I'll never know now.

"I don't know, a couple hours," I say as I get closer and closer to the door.

"Be safe!" Jay yells behind me in a last ditch effort as the door slams. I don't bother responding. It's not like he'll be able to hear anyway.

But I smile as I see Rory's familiar face sitting in front of the house. Everything has been so incredibly foreign and it feels good to see somebody from my normal world. Someone I can unapologetically be myself with.

"How are you doing Elle?" Rory asks immediately after I buckle myself into the passenger seat of her Highlander. She's still donning the navy blue uniform of Bellamy Prep; her tight honey blonde curls falling to just beneath her shoulders.

"I'm pushing through," I tell her with a deep breath.

"You know you can be honest with me," She says we pull out of their, or now I guess my street and start the drive towards the townhouse in Lincoln Park.

"I know that and I'm not going to tell you that I'm okay because I'm not," I respond, my voice cracking slightly, "but I just don't want to talk about it right now,"

"Alright," She says, knowing very well not to push. I know that she'll be able to make me feel better. She always can. "So who are you staying with anyway? I thought you'd go to Aunt Esme,"

"Well so did I," I say, trying to bar the emotion from my voice. "And it's my brothers,"

"You don't have brothers," She answers without missing a beat. That girl knows me like the back of her hand and she wouldn't have missed a fact as big as that. She knows that.

"And that's where you are wrong," I quip.

"What?" She says, looking over at me with wide eyes as we hit a red light.

"Yep, turns out good old Ian had two hidden adults sons!" I exclaim, my voice pure with fake enthusiasm as I hold up some jazz hands.

"You've got to be kidding me," She says with a bit of an eye roll. It does sound a bit insane. And if I wasn't living it, I don't know if I would believe it myself.

"I wish I was," I say with a sigh. "Will and Jay. Will's a surgeon and Jay's a detective,"

"Like magnifying glass and trench coat?" She says, rendering a bit of a laugh from me. I almost have to stop myself. Laughing, it's become a foreign feeling when you don't do it for a little while. But it feels good.

"No more like sirens and guns, I'm pretty sure it just means he's a fancy cop that doesn't have to wear the uniform," I fill in for her.

"Well have you talked to him? Or either of them? Because I would assume you'd know these things if you did," She says.

"I told them that if he called me Eloise I would punch them in the face and then Jay demanded that we exchange phone numbers so he could keep tabs on me, but that's about it," I tell her.

"I can call you Eloise and you won't punch me in the face," She adds in.

"Well yeah, that name is reserved for you and my m-" I have to stop myself again as I feel a pang in my chest. "It's reserved for just you," I finish quietly.

"Hey," She says as she grabs my hand, knowing exactly what I'm talking about. It had been kind of a joke between the three of us for several years. "it's going to be okay, you're going to make it through this. I promise." And God I hope she's right.

* * *

 **Erin POV**

If I thought I was nervous yesterday, I know even know what I'm feeling today. Yesterday, Eloise, or Ellie as Jay said she prefers to be called was an idea, a concept. Now she's real. And from what Jay and Will have been telling me, she's not the most enjoyable child.

But she's sixteen and she's in a brand new place, so we have to cut her a little bit of slack. I remember how I was when I first came to live with Hank and Camille and I'm sure that I was probably worse. And I didn't have to deal with the sudden death of my parents. Although, I guess sixteen years of Bunny might allow those two things to equal out a bit.

She's been pushing Jay and Will away, but I'm hoping that maybe I'll be able to get through to her. I take one final deep breath as I turn the lock in key of the front door and push it open.

"I'm home ba-" I start, before stopping abruptly as I see Ellie stretched out on the couch, phone in hand as the screen illuminates her face. She really doesn't look anything like her brothers. Except for those eyes. I would know those eyes anywhere.

I can't see either of the boys, but I can hear dinner being made in the kitchen and I know that Will can't cook to save his life, so I assume that that's him. Whatever he's making it smells good.

"So you do live here!" She exclaims as she jumps up. This really doesn't match up with how both Jay and Will have described her, but maybe I'm having a lucky break.

"Yeah," I say, a little confused at her sudden outburst, "I'm Erin, I'm engaged to your brother,"

"Oh yeah that makes sense," She says as she toys with it in her head, biting her bottom lip slightly as her energy level going down with every word.

"I'm going to go talk to your brother, I'll be back in a minute okay?" I tell her.

"Whatever," She responds as she goes back to her phone. Okay that seems more like it.

"Hey babe," I say, giving him a quick peck. "How was your day?"

"Let's just say I'm glad you're home," He says as he continues to stir the pot in front of him.

"What are you making?" I ask as he loops his arm around my waist, my gun and badge still securely fastened at my belt.

"Spaghetti with homemade tomato sauce, I figure it's something safe that she probably won't hate," He says, "But then again, I didn't think she was going to hate me either," He finishes, his voice hushed.

"Oh stop it, she doesn't hate you," I tell him.

"Trust me, she does," He assures me in a whisper, "she's like this spiteful little pixie or something," I have to keep myself from laughing at that one.

"Well she's sixteen, she's testing the waters, seeing what she can get away with," I tell him.

"Well she didn't snap at you though, maybe there's some hope," He says slightly sarcastically.

"Fingers crossed right," I say with a grin as I slip out from his reach, "Alright, I'm going to run upstairs and lock up the gun and then I'll try to talk to Ellie okay?"

"Good luck," He mouths to me before I give him a playful slap.

"Be nice!"

* * *

"Alright so what's the plan for tomorrow?" I ask as the four of us sit around the square dining table. I'd had a quick chat with Ellie and she didn't seem particularly into it per say and it was rather generic, but she wasn't rude or standoffish so I guess we can call that progress. That's a win for today.

"My shift starts at 7 so I assume I'll be the first one out," Will says.

"Alright so Erin and I can run Ellie to school," Jay adds in.

"You do realize I have a car right?" Ellie intercepts. So that's the car that was in the street. I saw it when I came in but I just assumed that it was a guest of the neighbors or something.

"You have a car? Since when?" Jay asks, apparently not knowing any more about this than I do.

"Uh since the day I turned sixteen." She says like it's the most obvious thing in the entire world.

"No since when do you have a car here," Will says, jumping in exactly where Jay left off.

"Since this afternoon, that's where I was. Picking up my car from the house," She explains.

"You see but how would we know that?" Jay asks. "You did tell us exactly nothing,"

"Jeez I didn't realize that I'm five years old," I watch as Jay sighs and clamps his eyes closed, both of them trying to figure out what to say to her. I'm not ready to jump in yet, so I'm just going to bench myself and only start talking if extreme mediation is needed.

"You're not," Jay says gently. I can tell he's trying to hold himself back and he's close to losing it with her. I've been able to handle her so far, but if she's been testing them like this all day, I would have lost it hours ago. "And I'm sorry if we've been a little testy with you, but this is a new and strange situation for all of us. We don't know what the rules used to be and you don't know ours, but we do have some rules and you are in our house now so we are going to expect you to follow those rules. One simply being that you need to tell us where you are, that's just for safety reasons," He explains.

"Or what? You're going to ping my phone and track me down?" She retorts. Oh she's not going to be backing down anytime soon. This isn't going to end well, I can already tell.

"Watch it," Will warns her.

"Or what?" She taunts us. "You're not my parents, what can you really do?"

"Eloise!" Jay exclaims, anger in his eyes as his voice rises.

"I told you not to call me that!" She yells, slamming her palms down on the table, causing the silverware to shake and the water in the glasses to bounce.

She doesn't waste a second before dashing away from the dining room and we hear her bedroom door slam just a few moments later.

Jay gets up to follow her, but I know that that's just going to end in a screaming match between the two of them. They may not look alike, but I'm quickly learning that like her brothers she's a bit of a hothead. And I don't doubt that this dinner will be the last of it's kind.

I put my hand on his shoulder to stop him. She does need to have the rules explained to her and she needs to be disciplined, but it needs to be done with a soft hand, something I'm afraid neither of them can provide at this point in time.

"Stay here, I got this one,"

* * *

 **I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! Also, if you guys have any questions, please do not hesitate to ask them either in the form of a review or in a PM. ALso just a quick note, my life is about to get crazy due to my job, so update will most likely not be coming as fast, but I will try my best to get as many out as fast as I can. Thanks for reading!**

 **Please Review!**

 **Much love,**

 **Addie**


	4. Erasing

**Thank you for all the kinds reviews on the last chapter! I'm not entirely sure how I feel about this one, but I hope you guys enjoy it! Thanks for reading!**

* * *

 **Erin POV**

"Ellie?" I say as I hover outside her door, "can I talk to you?" I'm not going to lie, I've had to build up quite a nerve to do this, I've been pacing in the hallway for a solid two minutes thinking about what I'm going to say and going over it again and again in my head.

"Go away!" She yells back at me. I reach down to the doorknob, she's locked it. Yeah that's not going to fly in this house.

"Ellie please let me in," I say, careful not to call her by her full name.

"No," She responds forcefully. I sigh. I really didn't want to have to do this, but she's leaving me no choice. I reach up to my ponytail and pull one of the bobby pins holding back the shorter bits in the front. I used to do this when Bunny would lock herself in her room, but I won't be telling her that. I separate the two ends, pulling it into a long metal strand and jam it into the hole on the doorknob, jiggling it around until I hear the lock pop as the door swings open.

"What the hell!" She exclaims, jumping to the back corner of her bed as I appear in the doorway. "How the hell did you get in here?"

"It's not hard to pick a lock," I tell her as I hold up the bobby pin. "Plus I'm a cop. Did you really think that I wouldn't be able to through?"

"Get out of my room," She nearly growls, her eyes blazing.

"It's my house and I'm the adult, I can do what I want," I tell her, trying to be firm, but still soft. I don't want to alienate her any more than she already is.

"Fine what do you want?" She asks as I linger near the end of her bed.

"I want to talk to you," I tell her, my voice firm and direct. She's not a child and I can't treat her as such, but she needs to know the rules and just how we go about things in this house. And I won't hesitate to tell her.

"About what?" She asks, her arms crossed in front of her. I can tell that she's hesitant of me, she hesitant of all of us. As she should be.

"Well, I want to know what we can do to make this very bad situation better for you, the three of us, as a team. And then I'm going to tell you what your brothers and I are going expect from you. Starting with, in this conversation, I will address you with respect and I will require the same of you. Am I understood?"She nods at me. "Good, so first I'm going to explain something to you. I am sure that you already know this, but I plan on telling you anyway. Your brothers are trying the best that they can, but they have no idea what they're doing. I'm pretty sure you recognize that. They found out about you and then less than 24 hours later, you were moving in,"

"I had to do that same thing!" She exclaims at me.

"I know you did. And it's going to be hard for everyone, but all I'm asking is for a little bit of effort on your part. Can we maybe check the attitude, because I can tell you right now that it will not be tolerated," She rolls her eyes at me, but eventually nods. Alright we're getting somewhere.

"But do they really need to know where I am all the time?" She whines.

"Yeah they do. And I agree with them on that one. Jay and I are cops, so we deal with missing kids more than we should and Will's a surgeon, so he sees the back end of how that tends to end, so they're going to be protective, probably over protective and they're always going to assume the because they've seen the worst, we all have, so they're going to be a little more sensitive,"

"Fine," She says, "I guess I can do that,"

"I'm almost done, but I've been in your situation before, I know what you're feeling and I know that you are going to try to push them away."I say softly, my wide eyes connecting with hers, "But I promise you, they aren't going anywhere, and neither am I. Now let's go back downstairs and finish dinner,"

* * *

 **Ellie POV**

After my talk with Erin last night, I played nice, I shut up, ate the dinner that Jay made and went back to bed. She seems nice enough and I know that she's trying to make an effort to bond with me or whatever, but I'm not ready to just roll over yet.

"Good morning Ellie," Jay says as I run downstairs, backpack slung over one shoulder.

I woke up early today, I wanted to make sure that I was as put together as I possible could be. My hair is straight and shining, a navy blue headband sitting upon it. I've ironed my dark green and blue plaid skirt, the pleats crisp and my navy blue cardigan sits over my bright white button up shirt, my flats free from scuffs or dirt. I'm ready.

"Morning," I respond as I grab a banana from the bowl on the counter.

'What time are you going to be home from school today?" He asks me as he flips through his phone, a cup of coffee in hand.

"Well school ends at 3, but I have field hockey until 5, so I should be home before 5:30," I tell him.

"Oh okay, just let one of us know if anything changes, if it's a normal day Erin and I should be home around six, but we could be out later if we catch a case,"

"Will do," I say with a smile, before rushing out the door. I'm not late, but I'd like to be early. I always have been. But today especially, I want to be able to get out of the main hall before the crowds show up, I know I'm going to have to face everyone at some point, but if I can avoid it, you better believe I will. I don't want to see the pity in their eyes.

The drive to school isn't long, probably the same as it was from the old house, just from the other direction. I pull into my parking spot in the garage below the school and quickly making my way to my locker to throw my hockey stuff in, making sure to keep my head held high. No one approached me.

"Hey baby girl," I hear in my ear as I sit at a bench reading. I almost groan, but keep it inside. It's my boyfriend Lucas. He tends to get on my nerves and I really don't know why I haven't broken up with him yet, guess I just haven't gotten around to it. But I want to.

"Hi Lucas," I say, my lips meeting his in a half heartened kiss. We've been dating or rather breaking up and getting back together for the last two years. He was never supposed to be long term, he was supposed something fun for a couple months, I knew he was problematic going into it. But every time I end it, he just draws me back in a couple weeks later. I hate the fact that I've turned into a high school cliche, but he's like a bad habit that I can't quit. A lot of girls would kill to date Lucas Hartwell, I know that. I've gotten many a dirty glance since we got together in freshman year and I've gotten pretty good at ignoring them.

"How are you doing?" He asks, looping around me and taking a spot next to me. He had shot me a text and tried to call a few times, but I really didn't feel like responding. So I didn't.

"I'm fine," I tell him. I know that he won't question it in the same way that Rory did, he'll just go along with it.

"Good, I'm glad," He says as he brushes his hand against my thigh. "So I know you're going through alot right now, so how about a little distraction?"

"What kind of distraction?"

"You know Melanie and Samantha Page right?"

"Everybody knows the Page twins," The Page twins are infamous for their parties. I've been to a couple over the years and I don't know Samantha at all, but I was pretty close friends with Mel in freshman year and the first half of sophomore, but throughout the final semester of that year and this past summer, we've drifted apart.

"Well their parents are in London for the weekend and they're throwing a party at the house on the lake, it might be fun,"

"I don't know Luke," I respond, quite uneasy with the idea. "I'm still settling at the new place and I don't know if staying out until 2 AM partying is the best way to make it good impression,"

"Why do you have to make an impression? You're staying with your aunt right?" He asks. Crap, I forgot that Rory's the only one who knows about that.

"Don't worry about it," I respond simply, really not wanting to have to explain this to him right now. "I just can't go Luke, I have to catch up on the two days that I missed and I just need to settle in, maybe next weekend,"

"Alright," He tells me, seemingly giving up on his conquest.

"I'm going to go, I have to talk to all my teachers and get the make up work,"

"C'mon Elle, they know what's going on, I'm sure they'll just excuse the work,"

"I know they would, but I don't want any special treatment,"I tell him. I'm not lying, I really don't want any special treatment, but I also want to get away from him. I know that he thinks he's helping, but his suggestion of going to a party just seemed to annoy me to no end. Although it might just be him, if Rory would have suggested it (although I don't think she ever would have), we might have had a different outcome.

"Alright," He says as he gets up, "do your thing babe,"

* * *

I go through the rest of the day like a robot, expertly dodging questions but still keeping my composure, just like the way my mother taught me. I phoned it in at field hockey practice, though no one said anything to me, I knew they wouldn't. But now I'm finally heading home. Thank God.

It's Friday, so I'll be able to avoid everyone from school all weekend if I do please. I hear my phone buzz with the sound of a text in the cup holder, I'm sitting at a red light, so there's no harm in reading it. It's from Jay.

 _Caught a case, won't be home until after midnight. Don't wait up. There's leftovers in the fridge or you can order food if you get hungry, there's a twenty in the drawer by the fridge. - Jay_

Great so it's just going to be me and Will at the house. I'm probably going to have to hold an actual conversation with him. And he'll want to talk about my parents. Crap. But I heard him mention at dinner last night that his shift ends at 6, so I've still got maybe an hour alone.

I quickly make it back to the townhouse and fit in a quick shower, blow drying my hair and slipping into a pair of pajamas and a thin robe. Though I usually like being in an empty house, I just feel so much more alone than usual, I even find myself looking forward to Will arriving back at the house, even if it does mean having to talk about my mom and our dad.

But as the time starts ticking farther and farther away from six, I find myself getting worried about him. He would have called by now wouldn't he? I've always had a bad habit of assuming the worst and after my parents' accident, I only have one scenario on my mind. I would never admit it to any of them, but I've been curled up on the plush chair in the corner of the room for nearly the last hour, worrying out of my head.

I almost jump out of my skin when the ding of my cell phone cuts through the perfect silence. But it's Will. Thank God.

 _There was a pile up on the highway and we're treating a huge influx, not sure if I'll be home tonight. Call if you need anything. - Will_

Great, so I'm going to be alone all night. I see a Snapchat notification from Lucas and suddenly, throwing back a shot of vodka with a bunch of people I barely know doesn't sound nearly as bad. It almost seems like a good idea. I quickly open up my thread with Lucas.

 _Does the Page party offer still stand? -Ellie_

 _I'll pick you up at 8. -Lucas_

* * *

"So what changed your mind?" Luke asks me as we roll down their street in his Wrangler, quickly approaching the mansion on the lake. Not him. Definitely not him. I didn't plan to stay with him for too long after we got there, but I also didn't feel like driving out. Plus, if there's even a drip of alcohol in me, there's no way I'm getting behind the wheel. I already know that Lucas is going to get absolutely smashed, so I've already to planned to call an Uber.

"You were right, I just needed a distraction," I tell him, not even bothering to look him in the eye and keeping them focused on the road ahead. I opted against telling Jay, Will, or Erin that I was going to a party. I texted them all and said that I was going to sleep over at Rory's and they all said that was fine, though I fully intended to head back to the Lincoln Park townhouse afterwards. So if I pull this off right, they should never find out about it.

"Well you're definitely distracting me," He comments. I almost want to slap him for that comment. I know it was meant to be a compliment, but just the way he said it made me so angry. I had dressed in something that my father definitely wouldn't have approved of, he would have said it was too racy, though he thought a lot of the things I wore were too racy, it was his word of choice when it came to describing my clothing.

I don't even bother to respond to that and luckily we pull up to the Page's just in time and I don't have to. He grabs my hand and we start the walk down their fairly long drive to reach the front door.

"ELLIE!" Melanie yells as me as we reach the entry. The party is in full swing already, it's obvious that Lucas timed our arrival and Mel definitely has a few drinks in her already. She giggles and throws her arms around me in a tight hug. Oh yep. I can smell the alcohol on her. She's a sweet girl, but she knows how to party and quite often thing get out of hand.

"Hey Mel," I say a little unsure as I embrace her.

"Lucas!" I don't look up to see who it is, but I hear the drunken slur as some guy runs up to Lucas and gives him the slap on the back hug. But when Mel releases me, he's nowhere to be seen.

"Let's get you a drink," She says, placing her hand on my back and leading me towards the backyard. It's just like every party I've ever been to, loud with too many people shoved in a space that's not nearly big enough. Think fire hazard. There's people drinking and doing drugs all around me and while I'm okay with drinking, I made a vow to myself a long time ago to never, ever do drugs. Well hard drugs at least, I'd smoked pot a couple of times, but I'd never gone further than that.

Mel throws a shot of something in my hand, tequila I think and take a deep breath before throwing it back. It burns as it goes down, but if it can help me forget just a little bit of the last three days, it'll be worth it. If it can take away some of the pain, it'll be worth it. So I have another one. And another one.

But after an unknown amount of time filled with dancing and laughing, plus maybe making out with Lucas, honestly it's a bit of a blur, the word "police" begins to be shouted throughout the crowd. Probably because the police are here. And they are. It's no use running, in my current state they would catch me in about two and a half seconds, they've caught us before a couple times, but my parents have always been able to get me out of it.

But through my drunken haze, I can still read the word "Intelligence" on the back of their vests. I remember that from somewhere. Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit shit. That's Erin and Jay's unit, I'm almost sure of it. This is their case, something is going on at Bellamy. My suspicions are only confirmed when I hear Erin's familiar voice behind me.

"Oh you have got to be kidding me," She says as she comes up behind me, grabbing my arm.

"Let go of me," I squeal as she navigates through the crowd of people in the lake house.

"Get in the car," She almost growls as she leads me out of the house, my shoes sinking in the damp grass, "you are in so much trouble Ellie Halstead,"

So much for them not finding out.

* * *

 **Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter!**

 **Please Review!**

 **-Addison**


	5. Sunlight Headaches

**So this chapter is going to be a bit on the shorter side, but I did really want to get something out for you guys and I hope you enjoy it! Thanks for reading!**

* * *

 **Jay POV**

What in the world am I going to do with her? I think shock was an understatement when I saw my younger sister sitting in the back of the car after the raid, Erin standing with her arms crossed at the hood, a scowl on her face.

It had concerned me when we first got the case and I saw Bellamy Prep scattered throughout the file, knowing all too well that that was Ellie's school. We'd been tipped onto a heroin ring running throughout the school and I had chosen to believe that she wasn't involved, but after finding her at this party, I can only assume the worst.

"Where'd you find her?" I ask as I approach Erin. The bust is over, everyone had gone home but I still have a few loose ends to wrap up. Loose ends I had still yet to tell them about. I'm not trying to hide Ellie from them, I just haven't found the time to sit them down and really tell them. It's not something I can just say in passing either.

"Dancing in a circle of girls with tequila on her breath," She tells me. I can already tell exactly what Erin's thinking, she's disappointed and angry at Ellie, but she's also going to be upset with herself. She really did think she made some headway with Ellie last night and I know that this is just going to send her spinning backwards. I set a mental note to remind Erin that none of this is her fault, though I know she won't believe me.

"Did she seem high?" I ask, that being the biggest fear. I didn't want her anywhere near this thing, but now the best thing option is that she wasn't directly involved.

"No, but she's drunk off her ass," She tells me. "I think she's just passed out in the back of the truck,"

"Oh God, what am I going to do with her?" I say with a sigh, running my fingers through my hair. When we took her in, I was really hoping that I wouldn't have to deal with any of this. That was probably naive of me, she is sixteen after all. But now I know for sure that we won't just be able to drift through this.

"Well right now, you take her home and put her to bed," Erin tells me, a hand resting on my arm.

"We're not going to discipline her? This kind of behavior is unacceptable, she has to know that," I respond. Erin's approach doesn't make any sense to me, there is no way in hell that we can just let this slide. I know that we said we would cut her a little bit of slack, she has just been through a massive trauma, but this goes well beyond those boundaries. I was willing to deal with a bit of attitude, but lying, sneaking out of the house, and then getting wasted on tequila was not within those lines.

"I know that, and she will, but she isn't going to remember anything that happens tonight and even if she does, she's way too wasted to take anything we say seriously. Plus we shouldn't do anything before we talk to Will," She tells me. "We can't come at this from two different angles, we have to approach her as a united front, make sure that we're all sending an identical message,"

"Yeah okay you're right," I admit. I really need to get better at this, Erin has been taking the lead on almost everything and I know that Will and I have to establish ourselves as disciplinarians. Or at least get better at this parenting thing. Erin already seems to be so damn good at it. Not that that's a bad thing, it isn't. But I don't want to saddle her with everything.

"I know," She says with a short smile, a look unfamiliar to me in those hazel eyes.

"You always are," I say as I give her a kiss on the forehead, feeling more grateful than usual to have her. I still can't believe she agreed to marry me.

"Let's go home,"

* * *

 **Will POV**

"She did what?" I exclaim as Erin and Jay relay last night's events to me. I can't even believe what I'm hearing. I know that it's typical teenage behavior, but I've tricked myself into believing that she'd be the perfect little angel who never ever got into trouble, though all of her previous actions have pointed away from that.

"She lied to all of us and then got absolutely smashed at a party," Jay tells me again, reiterating what Erin has just told me.

"Where is she now?" I ask. It's nearly 9 AM and I'm just now getting back from the hospital. My shift was supposed to be over hours ago, but I couldn't just walk out with the ER in that state. Ms. Goodwin had told us all that we could have gone home, but no one did, no one leaves when there are that many bodies on the ER floor.

"She's asleep upstairs," Erin tells me, a nearly finished cup of coffee clasped between her hands.

"Did you say anything to her last night?" I ask them.

"No, she fell asleep in the back of the Sierra and we decided that it would be better to talk to you first before we did anything," Erin jumps in. "She's going to be pretty damn hungover today,"

"Okay, so what are we doing?" I ask, shifting my weight between my very tired feet. I really do need to get to sleep and all I want is to crash face first into my very comfortbale bed and sleep for seventeen hours. But we have to deal with this first. This is more important.

"I think we ground her. I don't want to take her phone away just in case we have an emergency, but I say we take her car keys. And no going over to her friend's houses, if she wants to see someone they can come here. We can take her to school in the mornings and then somebody can pick her up and if we end up having to work late, she can come to the district and sit in the break room, or with Platt if we really want to teach her a lesson,"

"Is that a little harsh?" I ask, Erin oddly holding back more than she normally would. I'm not used to Erin Lindsay biting her tongue, she's always been the first one to speak up in any scenario.

"I don't think so, we need to show her that she can't just do this stuff and get away with it. She might have been able to do it with her parents and I know that she's still grieving them, but this isn't going to fly." Jay explains to us.

"Okay, I trust you, how long?" Will asks.

"We take the keys for a week and start there? If she shows us she can be responsible, we can start letting up on some of the other restrictions," Jay offers. "Is that good with everyone?"

"Don't tell her that it's only for a week, just keep it open ended," Erin responds.

"Alright, now we wait for sleeping beauty to wake up," I say, with a bit of sarcasm.

"But seriously guys, we need to come off as a united front on this. If she senses that one of us isn't totally on board, she will take it and run, I can guarantee you that," Erin assures us.

"We will," Jay tells her, "don't worry,"

* * *

Ellie POV

I don't think I've ever been so hungover in my entire life. Don't get me wrong, I am not a stranger to parties like that, but I don't usually go that hard. Then again, I've never had to drink after losing both my parents. And moving in with my previously unknown brothers and his almost obnoxiously persistent fiancee.

When I first sat up, I felt the need to vomit. And I did. Several times, luckily reaching the toilet before I expelled the contents of my stomach, slinking on the cool tile floor between episodes. I remember the events of last night vaguely, but what I do remember crystal clear, is Erin dragging me out of there. I'm dreading walking downstairs and having to face the music, though I know I can't avoid it forever. Might as well get it over with I guess.

With every step it feels like my head might explode and the light streaming through the skylights has quickly become my worst enemy. I build myself up and prepare to be eviscerated, I'm expecting them to yell at me. That seems to be a developing trend with my brothers, maybe Erin can bring them down but based on the look on her face last night, I wouldn't be surprised if she was right up there with them.

"Good morning," I hear Jay say, his voice throbbing in my head. "How'd you sleep?" What kind of game are they playing? Can't they just get this over with? The worst thing ever would be if they didn't yell at me and we're just passive aggressive for like the next week.

"Fine thanks," I say reluctantly. They're all standing around the island in the kitchen, Jay and Erin's hands resting on the cool granite counters and Will with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

"Here take these, it'll help with the headache," Erin says as she slides a glass of water and a few orange pills across the counter. But her face is still absolutely blank. She's pissed.

"Thanks," I say shortly as I take back the pills. Hopefully these things work fast.

"Alright we have to talk about last night," Jay cuts in. Okay so I guess we're getting right to the chase.

"I know," I say with a deep breath.

"You lied, to all of us," Jay says. He doesn't seem mad. He seems disappointed. Which is only so much worse.

"I know. I'm sorry, I just needed to distract myself from all of this and I knew that you would have said no," I tell them. I can look them in the eye. I've suddenly become very infatuated with my finger nails.

"Hell yeah we would have said no! You're sixteen, you have no business being out at one in the morning throwing back shots of tequila!" Will exclaims.

"Will," Jay says, surprising me as he pulls him back. "Ellie we know that you're going through a lot right now and if you need someone to talk to about this, we will get someone for you. But this isn't healthy and it isn't safe."

"I don't want to talk about it, I just want to forget," I say quietly.

"Well, that's not healthy either. You have to face this and you will get through it, I promise,"

"How do you know that?" I demand. There's a moment of silence as Jay looks to Will, seeking approval for the next thing to come out of his mouth. Will gives him a slow nod.

"Ellie, Will and I lost our mom too, thirteen years ago," Jay tells me, the sadness fresh again in his big blue eyes.

"You did?" I ask. I had no idea. Not that there was any opportunity for them to tell me, the only real conversation I'd had with any of them since I moved in with them was the one with Erin a couple nights ago, and that was more her just telling me how things were going to go.

"Yeah, she had brain cancer," Will says. "And I did the exact same thing that you did. Jay was in the military, but I tried to mask the pain with alcohol. But I'm going to promise you now, all that is going to do is hold it back, it won't make it go away. And one day, the floodgates will break and it'll hit you again, but only so much harder,"

"But you came back from it?"

"I did, but I don't want you to have to come back from anything. I don't want to have to pull you kicking and screaming back to reality. I want to make sure, that you don't ever fall down that hole,"

"Okay," I say softly.

"And we get that you're going through something right now, but that doesn't change what you did. We gave you the benefit of the doubt, but we can't trust you anymore," That stung. Whenever I screwed up, my parents yelled at me. But they never told me that I had lost their trust. Though I probably did, more times than I can count.

"And it's your responsibility to earn that trust back," Jay says, "but until you do, you are going to lose some privileges,"

"What kind of privileges?" I ask, running through a list of worst case scenarios in my head.

"We're starting with the car," Will tells me.

"What?" I've never had my car taken away. Ever. My phone, having friends over, even field hockey one time, but never my car. "You can't just take away my car, how I am going to get anywhere?"

"Well first of all, we can take your car. Driving is a privilege, I don't know how your parents did things, but this is how we are going to do things. As for how you're going to get places, you aren't going to need to go anywhere other than home and school,"

"What?" I exclaim, which I quickly regret as it sends a painful pang throughout my entire head.

"That's the next thing, no friend's houses. If you want to see somebody, you can either talk to them at school or they can come here. One of us will drop you off in the mornings and someone will be there everyday to pick you up after school,"

"What if you have to work late?" I ask, trying to find a flaw, any flaw in their plan to allow me to keep my car. My car is my freedom and I get that they're trying to tell me that I have to earn that back, but seriously? My car?

"We will figure it out," Erin tells me, finally piping in.

"Fine, how long?" I say, crossing my arms in front of me. I'm not happy with the punishment and I really don't think that it's fair, but protesting is not going to do me again good. The best thing I can do right now is shut up and take it.

"Until you've regained our trust," Jay tells me. Great. So it doesn't have a timeline.

"Okay," I say with a deep breath. "Is that all?" They nod at me. "Alright then," I don't say anything else before starting the trek back upstairs, all I want to do right now is lay down for a very long time in a dark and silent room.

* * *

 **Hope you guys liked this chapter! I'm hoping to have a bit of Linstead fluff in the next chapter so we can all just ignore what happened in last night's episode. Cause I'm still upset about it.**

 **Anyway, I hope you guys liked this chapter!**

 **Please Review!**

 **\- Addison**


	6. Words Like a Lake Breeze

**Thank you for the reviews on the last chapter! As promised, there is a little bit of Linstead fluff in this chapter. I hope you guys like it!**

* * *

Erin POV

I know that I probably should have spoken up during the whole discipline thing, but I really want Will and Jay to be able to find their footing with Ellie, figure out how they all fit together.

Besides, she obviously isn't going to listen to me, we learned that pretty recently. I really did think that I got through to her that night, she seemed to get it. But obviously I was kidding myself, because less than twenty four hours later, I was pulling her out of a party that was housing a heroin ring. I just can't stop going over that conversation in my head. I keep going back to it.

What did I do wrong? What could I have done better? Jay and Will keep telling me that it wasn't my fault, that there wasn't anything that I could have done, but I can't pull myself away from that. She isn't going to listen to me. I'm not her mom, I'm not her sister, and I'm not her guardian either. I'm not anything to her.

* * *

Ellie's been grounded for about two weeks and she's not happy about it. She hasn't said anything to me or from what I know, Jay or Will, but I can see it in her face and hear it in her words every time she talks. But the attitude is slowly going away. Whenever we can, we all have dinner together and she engages in the conversations and has what seems to be a genuine smile on her face. At least from what we can tell. Or maybe she's just a damn good actress.

We did give her her car keys back a few days ago, but she still has to come to the district or the hospital every day after school or practice. But we did get to meet a few of her friends as per the rule of no going to her friends houses and from what I've seen, her best friend Rory seems like a really great person, she was the one who held her hand throughout the entire funeral and sat outside her bedroom doors for two hours after Ellie locked her out. She's loyal and that's something that she's going to need. We also got to meet the boyfriend. Jay scared the absolute shit out of him, much to mine and Will's amusement and Ellie's total embarrassment, but none of us are big fans of Lucas. And from the read I've gotten from their interactions, Ellie doesn't seem too into him either.

But I've definitely pulled back with her and there's been a little bit of a strain on my relationship with Jay, which I knew was coming but I didn't really prepare for it. I knew that things were going to change, but I wanted to believe in the back of my mind that she could just come into our lives and things could just stay the way the way they are, simply with a sixteen year old in the house. But that's just not how it works.

I hate that I feel this way about it, but since we've gotten together, it's always been just the two of us. But suddenly, there's two other people living with us and one of them always has to have priority, over everything and quite frankly, everyone. I can't blame him for that, she's his dependent.

I'm not going to lie, that's hard, anyone who would say anything different is lying. I just miss the way things used to be. I've pulled away, I know that and I don't want to, but with Ellie coming into our lives, it's just another possibility for me to get hurt. And it's selfish and I know that it is, but I just can't get hurt again. Jay hasn't said anything, but he's noticed. He just doesn't want to push me farther away.

"Hey baby," He says, I feel the bed dip under his weight as he gives me a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Hey, how was her game?" I ask as I roll over to face him, closing my book and putting it back in it's place on the nightstand. Ellie had a late field hockey game today and I'd opted out of going, I just needed a minute to breathe. But I'd encouraged Jay and Will to go, it's important that she knows that we care.

"Good, they won and she scored, so she'll be in a really good mood tomorrow," He says with a smile.

"Isn't someone just becoming the best big brother," I say with a grin as I nudge him.

"Yeah, it's kind of nice having a little sister, I was always the baby growing up," He says, surprising me with the lack of a sarcastic retort.

"Well I'm glad you guys are getting closer," I say, ignoring my slight surprise and just going on with the conversation.

"Hey," He says, grabbing my attention once again. "C'mere," He tells me pushing back the covers and opening up the space on his chest.

"What," I say softly as I shift closer to him, laying my head on his shoulder, the faint sound of his heartbeat playing in the background as the deep and familiar scent of his cologne fills my nose.

"I'm sorry, about all of this," He tells me as he runs his thumb down the side of my hand.

"No, no it's your family and you had to do this," I tell him, but not being able to look him in the eye. I'm not lying to him, but I'm not entirely telling the truth. He had to do this, I understand that, but I'm not totally okay with that. I want to. God I want to be completely comfortable with this so badly, but I'm human and there is only so much that I can do.

"No I'm sorry that we aren't us anymore," He tells me.

"What?" I say in response. It's not like I don't know what he's talking about, I do. But I didn't think he would say anything about it.

"We aren't the same as we used to be and don't say that it's not true because you know that it is," He says, taking a deep breath before speaking.

"I know," I say softly, not wanting to admit it but knowing in my heart that he's right. We aren't us anymore. Things were so simple for so long, after got the approval from Voight, it was always smooth sailing. Of course we had the occasional little argument or the rare fight, but nothing like this. We made a deal a long time ago that we'd never go to bed angry and we'd never broken that, all of our fights were always resolved within the day.

"And Will has the entire weekend off, so we're going to Wisconsin tomorrow morning," He tells me. Okay that I was not expecting.

"What? You can't just leave Ellie here," I argue back. As much as I would love to spend a weekend alone with Jay at the cabin, we can't just pick up and leave. But I do love that cabin.

"Yes we can." He responds, emphasizing the 'we'. "She is important and she's going to be a part of my life, but you are important to me too. And I'm not willing to pick one, I will not sacrifice you for her, it's just not happening. I loved you first and I won't let go of you,"

"You don't have to hold onto me," I claim.

"But I do," He tells me, an unfamiliar hurt in his voice, "Erin I know what you're doing. I've seen you do it before, time and time again, you think that you might get hurt so you're going to distance yourself from me and from everyone," God he can read me like a freaking book. I should have known that hiding things from him wouldn't be successful. Apart from him knowing me better than anyone, he's a cop, he figures out people's secrets for living. And he happens to be especially good at decoding mine.

"I know," I say quietly. "It's just, I don't know if I can even explain it,"

"You don't have to," He interrupts. "And I'm sorry, it's my fault and I know that, but this is the new reality and I can't change it. But if I can steal my girl away for even a couple of days, I'm going to do it. We need to talk and figure out how we're going to do things because we're not going to make it if we don't. Say you'll come? Please?"

"Well how could I say no to that?"

* * *

I lay back and take in the beautiful scenery as we drive up the winding road to reach Jay's cabin. He's taken me up here a couple of times, he even proposed to me up here but it's my first time going up in the fall and the sight of the leaves changing is absolutely beautiful. It's peaceful, but all of our issues are looming above us.

I know that we're going to have to talk this weekend and we might even fight, but for now I just want to live in a happy oblivion.

"We're here," He says as he turns off the ignition in the Sierra, the gravel grinding under the thick tires. "You go on inside, I'll grab the bags."

"We'll get them later, I just want to spend some time with you," I tell him.

"We've been together for the past four hours," He points out.

"You know what I mean," I say with a solemn smile. "C'mon, let's go take advantage of the couches on the back deck,"

"Okay Er," He says, giving my hand a quick squeeze before jumping out the driver's side door.

It feels good to be back here, a place that's held so many amazing memories for us. And the air smells different, a good different, fresher than the city air we're used to breathing. Jay plan's of retiring in Wisconsin always seemed absolutely repulsive to me. I'd always lived a fast paced life in the middle of a major city and slowing down just doesn't seem very me. But in the moments when you're here and everything is just perfect, it sounds like exactly the kind of life I want to live.

The two of us make our way through the house quickly, only stopping to grab a blanket off the arm of a chair to shield us from the chilly breeze blowing off the lake. We move through the glass sliding doors at the back of the house, the deck cool against my bare feet, Jay leading me by the hand to the plush couches. I settle in in front of him, leaning my head into the crook just under his shoulder and breathing in his familiar scent.

"How's my girl," He asks me softly.

"Perfect," I say simply, letting all my worries and fears flood away and just reveling in this moment. "I'm perfect, this is perfect. I'm glad you dragged me up here,"

"You know that once we have kids, these trips aren't going to be nearly as peaceful," He tells me, the vibrations of his words brushing past the top of my ear.

"Multiple? Buddy I don't know if you've even talked me into one yet," I tell him, only half joking.

"Wouldn't it be fun to have little tiny humans running around all the time," He tells me. Jay's always wanted kids, that has always been bright and clear.

And it's not that I don't, it's that it scares the absolute crap out of me. Bunny was the worst mother in the entire world and I thought my entire life that I wouldn't be able to raise functioning members of society, so I'd given up on the idea of having kids years before I met Jay. But if anyone has, he's the one who makes me think that it might be possible. That maybe I could do it someday.

"It sounds tiring," I say with a bit of a chuckle, laughing off my previous thoughts.

"No it'll be great," He assures me, "a little girl with your bright hazel eyes and smile that can light up an entire room and a son with big blue eyes and brown hair, his little sister's protector." I can't see his face, but I know from the lightness of his words, he's wearing a huge smile, his eyes glistening, "I'll teach them how to fish and we can take the boat out on the lake and it'll be chaos because we're trying to make sure that neither of them walks over too close to the edge, at least while they're little, but we won't mind because we're there with each other and there's no place we'd rather be,"

"It sounds wonderful," I tell him honestly,a small tear running down my face. I'm not really sure why, but I can't help it. Two weeks ago, that wouldn't have seemed so far away, but in the midst of everything that's been happening, it might as well be in a different world. I keep my worries and fears to myself. I don't need to ruin the moment with that.

"We're going to be okay Er," He says

"Yeah, I know we will," I say as I lean back into him, trying to convince myself just as much as him. I want to believe it, I want to believe it all, his whole story about the two kids on the boat and just us being together. I want all of it. But I don't know where we are anymore. Moments like this are just little blips in the timeline of life, this weekend is supposed to set us back on our path. But if I can't kick these thoughts out of my head, I don't know if that'll happen.

* * *

J **ay POV**

We've had fun this weekend, it's been a much needed break from our lives in Chicago, but I know very well that we haven't yet done what we really need to do, and that's having the tough conversation. The one that neither of us wants to have, but we both know that we need to have.

I've been building up the my courage and nerve all morning, knowing that this needs to happen before we go home. Home has too many distractions, work, Ellie, friends, even Will sometimes, but here, it's just us. There's nothing to hide it.

"Hey Er," I say as I come back down the stairs. She looks adorable, curled up on the couch with her toes tucked beneath her, the fire blazing across the room and a book resting on her knees. So cute that I almost want to back out. I don't want to risk ruining the moment. But we have to do what we have to do.

"Yeah babe?" She says as she closes the book, laying it down beside her on the leather couch.

"We need to talk,"

* * *

 **Hope you guys liked the chapter and you'll let me know what you think!**

 **Please Review!**

 **-Addison**


	7. Sarcastically Silent

**I apologize that it's been taking me so long to update, I warned you guys that these would slow down and I've been pulling 12 hour days, so I haven't had much time to write and this one is on the shorter side, but I hope you guys enjoy it!**

 **I apologize for any grammar or spelling errors, I only did a quick edit on this chapter.**

* * *

 **Erin POV**

 _"We need to talk,"_

I'd been waiting for this since we pulled away from the city. Not so much waiting. Maybe dreading. I'm not sure. But we'd been almost tiptoeing around each other all weekend, emotionally at least, putting off actually discussing what we needed to with lots of sex. But this is where it's all going to come out, no holds barred, everything on the table. As much as I'd like to not do it, we both know that it's necessary.

"I know," I say as he takes a stop on the other end of the couch, my toes rubbing against his thigh. "We do,"

"I know it's been a big adjustment," He says as he rubs his hand over my knee. "And it's been a struggle with Eloise, but I need you to talk to me babe. I can't do anything if you're going to push me away. I want to fix this. I need to fix this,"

"You can't." I say softly, "You can't fix this,"

"What do you mean?" He demands.

"She's your sister. And more than that she's your responsibility, she has you and Will, that's it. The rest of her family is gone," I tell him, tears starting to brim in my eyes as I speak to him. I knew that this was going to be hard, but I didn't expect it to hit me so fast.

"She has you," He claims, his eyes widening as he looks over at me.

"But does she?" I refute. I would love if she had me. I want to be there for her, but she's pushing me away. I kept trying to get close to her, but she just kept pushing and eventually, I stopped trying.

"You're my family, you always have been Er," He says, pleading with me as this point. I hate having to see him like this, that pain in his eyes. And even worse than that, I know that the cause of this pain is me.

"Jay as much as I love hearing you say that, she's your blood. She has to be your priority right now and this sounds horrible and awful, but I just cannot deal with being second right now." I tell him, finally gathering up the confidence to say what I've been thinking this entire time. "I had a plan for how this was going to go and I don't know how to deal with things when they're like this,"

"What are you saying?" He says quietly, the volume of his voice decreasing with every second.

"I'm saying that we used to be able to understand each other with just a look. I wanted us to fit seamlessly together. I wanted us to meld into a family of four effortlessly, but that's not how it's going. It's you and me and then it's you, Will, and Ellie. We are a couple, but you are a family,"

"Baby you know that it's so much more than that," He tells me, grabbing my hand and holding it between his, the roughness of his palms so wonderfully familiar.

"Jay, just listen to me please." I beg him. I didn't think I was going to do this, every time it came up in my head I would force it back down. But with every statement, it just becomes that much more clear. "I think we need to take a break."

"What?"

"I love you, so, so much. You've given me things that I never thought I could have, things I didn't think I deserved. It was you who showed me that I did." I tell him.

"You deserve the world," He insists.

"Jay, just let me finish please, you aren't making this any easier," I say, tears starting to stream silently down my face. "I love you. And I want to stay. But you need to figure out your family before I can figure out if I can be a part of it,"

"Erin,"

"I'm sorry," I tell him, "I love you, but I can't do this, not right now. You need to figure out your life. You won't be able to do that with me here,"

"Erin you are my life," He tells me, tears brimming his eyes. I've seen a lot of things and I've made it through a lot of things, but for seeing tears in his eyes is just something that makes my heart break into a million pieces all over again.

"No, Ellie needs to be your life. At least right now," I tell him, reaching down and swirling his ring around my finger, a new nervous tic I've developed, the stone catching on my middle finger. "I think I'm going to stay with Kim for a little while,"

"Erin, you promised." He says. "That first night, you promised that you weren't going anywhere, you said you wouldn't leave,"

"I'm not leaving," I almost yell at him.

"What the hell are you calling this?" He demands.

"I'm giving you some space to find your footing, I'll be here when you figure it out. But while you're doing it, I can't be here. I'm sorry," That's are my last words before I dash out of the room, tears streaming down my face and feeling more alone than I have in my entire life.

* * *

"Are you going to be okay today?" Kim asks as we sit across the kitchen table, cups of coffee in both of our hands.

After catching a flight home from Wisconsin, Kim picked me up at the airport and we swung by the townhouse to pick up some clothes. Luckily Will was out with Ellie at that point and I didn't have to face either of them. But today is the first day that we'll be back at the office together. As partners. Pretending like nothing is wrong when in reality everything is wrong.

I haven't heard from him since I left the cabin, so much as seen him. I know that's it's going to be weird. I don't have any idea where we stand. I'm not living with him, but I still have the ring on my finger. It's not like I have the intention of breaking up with him, but we both needed some space. That conversation was supposed to clear the air, but I think all it did was create more unanswered questions. Going into it, I didn't even think that it was going to end like that. But through each word, I knew that it was what I had to do. Even if I didn't want to.

"We're grown ups and we know that the job comes first, we'll be able to figure it out," I tell her, not really believing the words flowing out of my mouth but sincerely hoping that they'll become true. Jay and I have never been normal partners. Even when the idea of being together was foreign and far out, there was always flirting. There was always that sense of someday. But it's never been awkward.

"Alright, but if you need to tag you out, let me know okay? I've got your back," She assures me.

"I know, thank you again for everything Kim," I tell her again. She's been so great through all of this and I know that she is behind me, whatever I need. It's kind of amazing to have someone like that. Well another someone.

"Us girls gotta stick together right?" She says with a lighthearted smile.

"You got that right Burg," I say, returning her grin, hiding a much deeper sadness within me. I haven't slept since I left that cabin. I haven't been able to. My wall of pillows just doesn't suffice, it isn't the curve of his body that fits perfectly to mine. The faint scent of his shampoo lingering in the sheets. The soft snores, the ones that aren't enough to keep me awake but enough to let me know that he's there. All the things that have become familiar to me over the past two years, all gone.

"We've got to get going, I'm going to go grab our guns. Can you clean up a little bit in here? Just throw everything in the dishwasher, I'll deal with it when we get home,"

"Yeah course," I tell her before gathering the dishes from the table.

"Thanks," She says before dashing out of the room, headed for the safe in her closet holding both of our guns.

"Let's go," She says as I holster the weapon on hip. And now we just hope that it all goes okay.

* * *

It didn't go well. It didn't go well at all. And all four days since I've been back have gone exactly the same way. The two of us were civil with each other, but there was a certain iciness lingering between us. Nobody else picked up on it, except Voight. He hasn't said anything to me in the last couple weeks, but I can tell her knows. But we haven't given him any reason to question the two of us, so he's been keeping his distance.

But the hardest thing about work is just having to be around him, not being able to send the flirty glance or the quick kiss on the forehead in the break room after a cup of coffee together. It's all gone. And I want it back. I know he does too, but for right now, he needs to focus on getting his life together. He needs to figure out how Ellie can be apart of his life. And until then, I can't be.

The worst thing has been driving together. When it's just the two of us, there's no possible buffer. I just want to reach over, lay my hand over his and give it a squeeze. But those days full of sarcastic banter and inconspicuous touches have turned into long stretches of silence, the tension so thick you could cut through it with a knife. I hate it. I hate it so much. And the worst part is, I know that I can change it all with a few words. It's all in my hands, but he needs this. Even if he can't see it right now.

* * *

 **Ellie POV**

I don't know what the hell happened at the cabin, but what I do know is that my brother came back alone with a scowl on his face. And he's been a holy terror to deal with ever since then.

He hasn't said anything to me or Will about it. I didn't expect him to say anything to me, we aren't necessarily close and even if we were, he wouldn't want to talk to his sixteen year old sister about the fallout of his relationship. That and the fact that I'm almost positive that it has something to do with me.

Will has told me time and time again that it's not my fault, but what else could it be?

From what I've heard from almost everyone, Jay and Erin have been stable as hell for a very long time. They got together years ago and they've only had a few bumps in the road, most of them involving Erin's father Hank. That's at least what I've heard from Will and occasionally from Kim when I have to sit in at the district.

Enter me and less than a month later, she's moved out and he's moping around the house. I want to say something, but I don't know what to say. Like "Hey sorry that your fiancee left you because our father had a secret daughter that you are now in charge of," Yes. That would go over so well.

Will and I have just been walking on eggshells around him. Neither of us wants to say the wrong thing and set him off. The smallest things have been making him crazy. Like a sock left on the staircase warrants five minutes of screaming. I get that he's taking his anger and sadness out on me, that's fair. I did the same thing to him and none of that was his fault. This is my fault.

I didn't really get close to Erin, my fault on that. I didn't allow her to get close to me. I chose not to like her and then she kept her distance. But that was only because I felt like she was trying to replace my mom. She wasn't. I know that now. She was just trying to help. She's probably a really great person, she had to have been for Jay to fall for her, because from what I know of him, he's pretty amazing.

And as much as I'm hesitant of Erin, she makes my brother happy. Really happy. And he deserves that. So I'm going to do whatever I need to do to bring her back. Or I'm going to try my absolute hardest. I owe them at least that.

* * *

 **Don't** **hate me! But trust me guys, everything will be okay. Eventually. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I'm not completely confident in it, but I did want to get something up for you guys. Thanks for reading!**

 **Also, on another note, I'm thinking of starting a new fic that will be a very different story line than anything I've ever written, involving a bit of an AU version of Linstead in college, so let me know if you guys would be interested in that.**

 **Please review,**

 **Addie**


	8. You Are Not Alone

**I am so, so sorry that it's been so long since I've updated this story. I was having a serious case of writer's block and when you couple that with an insane schedule, it doesn't really make for much progress. But I hope you guys have stuck with this story and I hope to have update up faster. I did update Break Me Like a Promise last night, but I think that something is going on with the site and the update notification emails aren't going out, so if you want to read that last chapter, just click on over there. Happy reading!**

* * *

 **Ellie**

It's been five weeks since Erin moved out and things have gotten better around here. We actually act like a family and things almost feel normal. But I can tell that Jay is still missing Erin. With the expectations of a few days when they had particularly rough cases, he always comes home in a good mood and I know that that's because he'd just spent the entire day with the woman he loves.

I know Will had tried to talk to Jay about it a couple of times, but he usually just avoids the topic all together. So I'm going to try something new, coming at it from a different angle. That angle is called Erin Lindsay.

I'd been putting off doing this, but yesterday was my birthday. I turned 17. It was hard, for the first time my mom wasn't there and I surpassed my usual tradition of going out with all of my friends, opting for a quiet night in.

But as I sat around the table with my brothers and we laughed and talked, I realized how much Erin needed to be there. Not just for Jay, I wanted her there too.

I sit in my car outside Kim's apartment building, pulling on my fingers and cracking my knuckles trying to get up enough nerve to get out. I know she's here, I can see the 300 parked in the lot from my current viewpoint. She's here.

I didn't tell Jay that I was coming here. I figured that would just be a bad idea. Will doesn't know either.

I take a deep breath before yanking the key from the ignition and shoving the door open, dropping my hands into the pockets of my jacket out of nervous habit and just taking it one step at a time. I feel nauseas, but that has to be the nerves. My stomach is doing somersaults and I feel like I might throw up, but I push it to the back of my mind as my boots crunch through the thin layer of icy snow on the ground.

I don't know Erin that well, I didn't really take the time to get to know her before she left, but if she's the girl that my brother chose to love she has to be pretty amazing, because he's kind of incredible.

As I walk up to the front door of the building, I see the row of buzzers, K. Burgess luckily printed next to the one labeled 3H. I take a final deep breath before I push it, hard. There's a few moments of silence before I hear a voice on the intercom. I think it's Erin's voice. No, I'm sure it's her.

"Hello?" She asks.

"Erin?" I say hopefully.

"Ellie?" She says. She sounds surprised, I would be too. But it doesn't even take her a second to recognize my voice.

"Yeah," I respond.

"Do your brothers know you're here?" She asks nervously. "Either of them?"

"No, I did this on my own," I tell her honestly.

"Ellie," She says, drawing out my name with almost a sigh.

"Can I come in? Please?" I beg. I can almost feel the hesitation as I wait for her response. She doesn't, simply buzzing the door open for me. I feel a sense of relief flood my body as I quickly push my way through the front door. I scramble up the stairs, finding 3H fairly quickly and knocking rapidly on the red door. Not even four seconds have passed before I see her standing in front of me. She looks the same as she did the last time I saw her as Jay and her packed up to go to Wisconsin, same blue jeans and casual flannel, her hair in it's usually waves falling to her shoulders, but everything seems so different. As I glance down at her hand, I notice the missing ring. Her hand seems naked. I've only known Erin with that ring, I've actually never seen her without it. It's a part of her, to me at least.

"Can I come in?" I ask nervously as I toy with my hands.

"Yeah," She tells me quietly. It's so awkward. I can't even tell you the last time I was in a situation like this.

"Is Kim here?" I ask as I cross the threshhold into her apartment, my shoulder brushing up against her's.

"No she's with her sister Nicole and her niece Zoe at some show," She tells me as I feel the nerves rising in my chest. This is the kind of small talk that I hate making. It's the kind of thing you say when no one knows what to say, when no one is comfortable enough to say something.

"Oh okay," I say quietly, my emotions conflicting. On one hand, I'm glad that she's not here, it means it's just going to be me and Erin. But on the flip side of that, it is just me and Erin. I don't have a buffer of any kind.

"Happy Birthday," She mentions.

"You remembered?" I ask, incredibly surprised that she even bothered to take note of that.

"Your brother mentioned it about fifteen thousand times yesterday, and even if he didn't, I don't forget things El," She tells me. We stand there in awkward silence for a while, neither of us knowing exactly what to say. So I decide to take a leap.

"I'm sorry," I blurt out.

"What are you sorry for?" She responds calmly, still keeping me at a distance. She's a cop too. I don't forget that, but I do forget that spends her days dealing with people a whole lot more erratic than me.

"Everything," I tell her, a lump starting to form in the back of my throat. "I know that I'm the reason you moved out, I know that,"

"Ellie," She says with a sigh, running her fingers through her loose waves. "It's so much more complicated than that,"

"No it's not, tell me honestly that you would be in this same scenario if I hadn't walked into your lives two months ago," I exclaim. She doesn't say anything to me. "See?"

"Ellie, it was my decision to leave and did it have something to do with you? Yes it did. But it's not permanent." She starts.

"Then just come home! Jay needs you, we all need you," I interrupt.

"It's not that simple," She insists.

"Why not?" I shout, tears now starting to form in my eyes. I really don't know why I'm getting so emotional over this

"We needed to work through some things," She tells me.

"And you're working through them by not talking?" I argue back.

"It's complicat-" She starts again.

"Don't tell me it's complicated, just come home!" I yell at her.

"I will, just not right now okay? But you need to go home, I'm sure your brothers are worrying about where you are right now," She tells me, keeping her calm through all of this.

"Erin," I beg again.

"Ellie, go home," She says, her voice sterner this time.

"Fine,"

* * *

 **Jay**

Ellie's been in kind of a weird mood ever since she got home. She told us that she was just going over to see Rory so maybe they had a fight or something. I don't know, but she rushed up to her room and didn't talk to either of us and hasn't been out at all. She hasn't done that in almost two months, it only really happened the first couple days that she was here.

Maybe she'll tell me about it tomorrow, but for now it's time to go to bed.

* * *

I shoot out of bed to a blood curdling scream. At first I thought it was a nightmare, something that wasn't real, something coursing through my veins. But it only took me a minute to realize that that was not the case, this was real. And it only took me another instant to realize that the scream came from Ellie.

Before I can even think, my feet are on the floor and running towards her room. AS we collide at the staircase, Will is only a couple of steps behind me as the both of us run down the hardwood hallway towards her room.

"Ellie," I shout as I slide into her room, Will right behind me.

"Something's wrong," She says as I flick on the light switch next to me. As the light fills the room, I look down to her bed and see the pool of dark red blood soaking her bed sheets. I know what this is. She's having a miscarriage. I didn't even know she was having sex, but I can't worry about that right now. But one glance from Will tells me he knows the exact same, there really aren't many other explanations for this.

"Ellie listen to me," Will says as he kneels next to her bed, "we're going to take you to the hospital okay?"

"Okay," She says tears streaming down her face as she clutches her stomach in pain. "Call Erin, please just call Erin,"

"Okay, okay we'll call Erin," Will assures her before raising his lips to my ear. "Go downstairs and start the truck, call Erin and tell her to meet us at Med," He whispers.

"You sure?" I confirm with him.

"Yeah I got this okay?" He assures me. It almost hurts to leave her like that, but I know that this is the best division of labor. He's the doctor, he knows how to deal with this. So I suck it up and run out of the room, grabbing my phone from the charger on my desk and unlock it quickly as I rush down the stairs. I click the first number on my speed dial and even though it's after 3 in the morning, she picks up on the second ring.

"Jay what's wrong?" She asks, her voice thick with sleep and well knowing that I wouldn't be calling her at the 3 in the morning unless there was a problem.

"You need to meet us at Med. Ellie's asking for you. I think she's having a miscarriage,"

* * *

 **Erin**

I think I must have broke a hundred traffic laws as I was trying to get here. From the moment I got that phone call from Jay, I didn't stop moving. I had to get to them as fast as possible, there wasn't another option. It didn't matter my relationship status with Jay, she needs me, so I'm going to be there.

"Eloise Halstead?" I ask manically to the night nurse on staff. I'm still in my pajamas, a pair of flannel pants and a tank top under my parka with a pair of UGG boots. I know I look crazy, but I really don't care.

"Bay 16," She tells me before I rush back towards her, knowing the layout of the Chicago Med ER all too well. I'm here more than I'd like to be.

"Thank you," I call back to her. It takes me less than thirty seconds to find the room. I stop in my tracks in front of the sliding glass doors. She's lying in the bed in that blue and white hospital gown, her brothers sitting on either side of her. The look on her face can be described as nothing less than shock. No that's not the right word, numb. She looks numb.

I take a deep breath before opening that door, but once I do I know that there is no going back.

"Hey I came as I fast as I could," I say, slightly out of breath as stand in front of them.

"Thank you," Jay says as he gets up, "You didn't have to come,"

"I wouldn't be anywhere else right now," I tell them honestly.

"Jay, Will," A doctor says as she pokes her head in, "is it possible for you to step out for a second? I want to talk to the two of you about something,"

"Uh," Will hesitates.

"It's okay, I got it," I tell them. "Go on, it'll only be a few minutes right,"

"Alright," Will concedes. I wait a minute after they leave before I approach her.

"Hey El," I say quietly as I take the chair next to her.

"I didn't even know. I didn't even know that I was pregnant. I just thought I was stressed," She says, her eyes not making contact with mine, staying put as she stares straight ahead. The life in her eyes is gone.

"I know you didn't," I tell her as I take her hand in mind, rubbing my thumb along her knuckle.

"I want my mom," She cries. "I just want my mom,"

"I know, I know you do babe. But I'm the next best thing, so whatever you need from me, just tell me alright,"

"Will you lay with me? Just hold me," She asks, her big blue eyes flitting over to me for the first time.

"Of course," I tell her, quickly peeling off my parka and discarding my boots on the floor. I crawl into the bed behind her, wrapping my arms around her, her tiny frame seeming only so much smaller than usual.

"I just, I feel so empty." She tells me as her her head rests against my shoulder. "If I had known, I don't know what I would have done, but now I don't have a choice. It's been made for me,"

"I know,"

"No you don't know, you have no idea what this feels like,"

"But I do," I say with a deep breath.

"What?" She asks, the shock evident in her quiet voice as she looks up at me.

"You can't tell your brother this," I tell her, a lump starting to form in my throat, "you have to promise that you won't tell Jay,"

"I won't," She assures me.

"Okay," I say as I feel the first tear roll down my cheek, "a little less than a year ago, right after we got engaged, I found out that I pregnant. Jay was working a case in New York and he was going to be back at the week. I freaked out, but I knew that he was going to be so happy and I came up with this whole plan to surprise him." I start. I can feel my breath catching in my throat. I haven't really talked about this since it happened with anyone really.

"Super cheesy, I was going to give him a Blackhawks onesie. But two days after I found out, I started bleeding, a lot. I was at home on my own, so I called Kim and I was crying, I knew what was happening and I knew that there was nothing I could do to stop it. My baby was gone. Our baby. I hadn't ever even been to the doctor." I say. Ellie hasn't said anything, she's just laid there in my arms as the tears rolled down my cheeks. "So I came to the hospital and it wasn't a full miscarriage so I had do something called a D&C and Kim stood there at my side the entire time and held my hand. I was scared shitless for those two days, but I knew that I wanted that baby, I wanted that baby so bad,"

"How far along?" She asks quietly.

"I found out really late, my period has never been regular and I didn't really have any of the first trimester symptoms, but I lost the pregnancy at almost 12 weeks. It was a baby boy,"

"Wow," She says, her voice breaking. "And you never told Jay?"

"No," I responds as I let the tears fall from my face. I don't usually think about it like this, but if I had been able to hold that pregnancy, I would have four month old baby boy. I've thought about what he would look like. Would he take to my genes or his dad? Blue eyes or hazel? Maybe something in between, but I would never know.

"Why?"

"I didn't want him to have to deal with the pain. I had already gone through it and there wasn't a reason for him to have to go through it too," I tell her. It was that and then the shame. I lost our baby. It was me. It was my fault and I felt so incredibly guilty about that.

"I guess I get that,"

"And El I want you to know that I'm trying to minimize your pain or anything like that, but I just want you to know that you are not alone. Whether you want to talk or scream or cry or just sit and not say anything, I am here for you. Whatever you need okay?"

"Okay."

* * *

 **Please Review**

 **-Addie**


	9. Here We Go Again

**So sorry that it's been so long since I've updated! I did post a chapter around three weeks ago, but something weird was going on with the website and the notification email didn't go out! So if you have not read chapter eight, please go back and read that before or this will make absolutely no sense.**

 **I'm hoping to get these updates out faster, but this story has been a little harder to write than my other two, but I promise I have not given up on it.**

 **I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! Happy reading!**

* * *

 **Erin**

"Hey," I say softly as I approach Jay outside the room. Ellie had fallen asleep in my arms a little while ago and Jay hadn't come back since the doctor brought them out, but Will is in there with her now.

It feels wrong, being in this situation and not telling him about the baby I lost. Our baby boy. There's been so many days that I've wanted to tell him, but I just couldn't. But I know that I'm lying to him, I just can't figure out how to tell him. How do you tell someone that they would be a father right now if you hadn't miscarried their child? My doctor and Kim have both told me a million times that it wasn't my fault, that I didn't do anything and I couldn't have done anything to prevent it, but it was still my body. It was still my baby. And if it's not my fault, who's to blame?

"Hey," He says quietly as he pockets his phone, lowering it from his ear.

"Who was that?" I ask, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

"Voight, I told him that something happened with El and I was going to need a few days off, he understood," He explains.

"Good, I'm glad," I say, trying to make small talk with him. That's how it's been since i've moved out, we haven't had a real conversation in weeks. I hate having to walk on eggshells around him. I miss the closeness. I miss us.

"So what's up?" He asks, my nerves rising knowing the next thing that I have to say.

"I want to move back in," I tell him. I can see the glimmer in his eyes and I know that I can't give him false hope. I have to shut that down. "I don't think I'm ready to be your fiancee again, but Ellie needs me and I told her I would be there and that means moving home." He doesn't say anything so I decide to keep talking. "I'd move into the extra bedroom and we'd be like roommates, until I figure out what I want to do." It almost hurts saying the words. I don't want to be his roommate, I don't want to be his fiancee, I want to be his wife. But I there's so many variables, so many things we haven't worked out yet. "Is that okay?"

"Erin of course it's okay, it's your house you don't have to ask to come home," He tells me, laying a hand on my shoulder. I feel a sense of comfort run through my system. His touch. I haven't felt it in so long.

"Yeah I do," I tell him softly, placing my hand on top of his. I forfeited the right to move freely through the doors of that house the day that I walked out of that cabin in Wisconsin.

"Can I ask you something?" He says, those blue eyes as wide as the world.

"Of course," I respond. We may not be engaged anymore, but I hope that we can still be honest with each other, that we can be there for each other.

"Is there a chance? You know, is there still hope for us?" He asks hopefully. I know what answer he's looking for.

"I want to believe there is," I tell him with a smile. I really want to believe that that there is. I love him, I don't think I ever stopped loving him. But I need to know if we can work. I want us too, but I don't know if it's possible anymore. This is the new reality for both of us and we just have to figure out if we can survive in it.

* * *

 **Jay**

"What do you mean she's moving back in?" Will asks, his brow furrowed as he tries to understand the situation. "Are you guys getting back together?"

"No," I say shortly, hoping that that will soon change. "She's coming back for Ellie, help her come back from this you know,"

"Okay, whatever she needs, you know that," He tells me with a solemn look on his face, "so how is this going to work?"

"She's said she's going to move into the spare at the end of the hallway and it's going to be like a roommate situation."

"And you're going to be able to deal with that?" He says, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"I don't know, probably not. But it doesn't matter, it's not about me. It's about Ellie and she needs her right now, so that's what we're going to do, no questions asked." I tell him.

"Okay, well I'm behind you, all the way," He assures me, "Whatever she needs,"

"Good, because she's going to need us, all of us, "

* * *

 **Erin**

It feels weird being back here. It's not like it's changed, maybe with the exception of a few new photos around the house, but other than that, everything is the same. On the outside anyway.

But it still feels so strange. When we moved in here, it was like something out of a movie or a music video. Jay and I both had a box in our arms and as we crossed the threshold, he leaned down and gave me a kiss.

All of our friends were here to help us move and it was just a really good day. We thought it was the first day of the rest of our lives. Maybe it still is, we're just going to have a couple more chapters.

I just have to remember what I'm here for. It's not for Jay, it's not for me, it's for Ellie. She's the most important thing right now, bringing her back.

"Hey," Jay says, coming down the stairs as I stand awkwardly in the entry way.

"Hi," I say with a smile.

"So the guest room is all set up for you, clean sheets and I moved some of the clothes that you left into the closet,"

"Thank you," I say genuinely.

"Do you want some help with your bag?" He asks.

I got it, I think I'm just going to bring it up a little bit later, where's El?" I respond.

"She's upstairs, I think she fell asleep a few minutes ago," He tells me.

"Alright," I say, "Change of plans then, I guess I'll just bring it up now and start getting settled."

"Okay," He says awkwardly as I grab the bag and starts lugging it up the stairs. Here we go.

* * *

"Hey girly," I say quietly as I slip into her room. She dropped me a text a couple of a minutes ago, letting me know that she was awake. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay," She tells me as I lean up against the gray walls of her bedroom.

"Have you talked to Lucas?" I ask. She glares at me. "Sorry, I assumed he was the father. No judgement,"

"No, he is the father. He's the only guy I've ever been with," She says as she finally sits up, pushing back some of her covers. "I just don't want to talk to him about this. If I tell him, suddenly everyone will know and I'll end up being known as the girl who lost a baby at 17. You out of all people should understand that," She says with the raise of an eyebrow, taking a underhanded shot at me.

"No I do," I tell her, throwing my hands up in front of me in defense, "I understand, just El when are you going to break up with him?"

"What?" She asks, looking me dead in the eyes.

"You don't trust him and you don't really seem to like him that much," I tell her honestly as I take a seat at the foot of her bed.

"I don't know, I'm just comfortable with him. We've been together for so long and it just seems easier to be with him than to be single,"

"El," I say with a slight sigh.

"I know, I know it's not good and I'll do it, just give me some time okay?" She says.

"Okay, I'll back off," I promise.

"Can we not talk about it? Please? I just want to move on, forget it you know?" She pleads. I groan internally. Of course that's what she wants to do, that's what I wanted to do and it's what I did for a very long time. But after a few private sessions with Dr. Charles at the insistence of Kim, I knew that I had to face it or I'd never be able to move on.

But I did and it was good for me and eventually, I'll push her to do the same but I know that if I do it now, it'll only make her push me away. If I were to couple that with Jay's testimony that she's been keeping both of the brothers at arms length, that's the last thing that anyone needs.

"Oh course," I tell her, "whatever you need,"

"Thank you," She tells me, "Why'd you come in here anyway?"

"I just wanted to check in on you," I tell her. "I'm going to go get an ETA on dinner, you coming down tonight?"

"I don't think so," She says, "I'm not hungry,"

"Oh okay," I say, not wanting to push her but still slightly concerned. Jay and I haven't really talked too much, but when we do talk it's always been about Ellie and apparently she hasn't been eating too much since they got back from the hospital. She claims that she's okay, but I know she's not. She can't be.

* * *

"How's she doing?" Will asks, the two of us conked out on the couch as Jay cooks dinner a room over.

"She says she's okay, but she's not. I know what she's going through and there's just no way,"

"What?" He asks. I panic, quickly realizing my mistake. Backtrack, backtrack, backtrack.

"Uh female brain, I can read her better than you can," I say, covering my mistake the best way I know how, luckily avoiding the majority of the stuttering.

"Oh okay," He says with a slight raise of the eyebrow. I know that he doesn't totally buy it, but I don't think he'll catch on and even if he does, he won't say anything.

"She's doing better thought, at least from what I've heard from Jay and from what I saw that night,"

"Move on and move forward right?" Will offers as I subconsciously sneak a look past his head to Jay.

"That's all we can do,"

* * *

 **I know the ending for this chapter is a little on the weird side and it was shorter than all of the past chapters, but I felt bad that I hadn't updated in so long and I wanted to get something up for you guys. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and as always, if you have any questions, do not hesitate to drop me a PM.**

 **Please review!**

 **-Addie**


	10. Alice

**So so sorry that's it's been so long since I've given you guys an update on this story! I've been studying like a crazy person for all my exams and state tests so I've haven't had too much time to write and the inspiration for this story has been few and far between. But I'm back!**

 **Hope you guys enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

 **Erin**

It's been almost two weeks since the miscarriage and she's better. She's been out of her room, but she still hasn't left the house. She slinks through the days like a robot, all of us tiptoeing around her, terrified to say the wrong thing. Rory comes in almost every day after school, wielding folders of assignments as she runs up the stairs to see Ellie. Based on my knowledge, Rory's the only person who knows what really happened and she's been making up an excuse to tell the rest of the kids as to why Ellie's not here.

I know that she isn't just going to get over it, I know I didn't. But I do know that she can't keep living like this, she needs closure. She has to clear her mind and I think I might have a way to do it.

"What did you want to talk about Erin?" Will asks, the two of them sitting across the table from me, identical confusion on both brothers' faces.

"I think I need to get Elle out of the city, just for a couple days. Clear her head," I tell them, my hands held awkwardly in my lap. There's a second of silence. I didn't know how well they were going to take to this idea. I know that they've been trying to bond with her and stake their places in Ellie's lives as the guardians. But I don't think that's what she needs right now. Besides, Jay and Will have been watching her every move. I know that they're just trying to help, but I can tell that it's getting on her nerves. She's getting claustrophobic.

"You do?" Jay asks.

"Yes," I answer, "She's moping and she has every right to do that, but I just don't think she's going to get any better if she just stays here," I tell them. Will looks over at Jay, his eyebrow raised.

"What do you think?" Will asks. God this is going to be awkward. Camille used to do it all the time, sit there and discuss something about me with Hank while I was sitting right there, I always hated it.

"I think it'll be good for her," Jay responds, kind of to my surprise.

"I don't want her missing school though," Will counters.

"Bro don't lie to yourself, that girl isn't going to school whether or not she's here or she's with Erin. If Erin thinks this might help, why not?" Jay tells him, his gaze still avoiding me.

"I guess you're right," He responds. "So, where are you thinking of going?"

"Well," I say with a deep breath, frankly quite surprised they agreed to it. Jay told me when this all started, that'd we'd be equal in terms of the parenting, but after everything that's happened, I don't really think that stands anymore. "I was going to ask you for a key to the lake house,"

"Wisconsin lake house?" Jay says, looking surprised.

"Yes, the Wisconsin lake house," I respond.

"You hate Wisconsin," He tells me with scoff.

"I don't hate Wisconsin, I told you it was a nice thought!" I fire back playfully, quickly realizing my words as the two of us drift into an awkward silence, Will's eyes flitting around the room confused.

"I think that's a good idea," Will says, filling the void. "Have you talked to Ellie yet?"

"No, I wanted to get the okay from you guys first,"

"You're good on that front," Jay says, echoing his brother's approval.

"Thank you guys, we'll be back by Sunday night?" I say, doing the math mentally in my head. It's Thursday now and I already put the call into Voight and he gave me to go ahead for not coming in tomorrow. Perfect, two and a half days is just enough. Now I just have to hope that she's down.

* * *

"So why did you really bring me up here?" Ellie asks as the two of sit opposite each other in chairs curled up near the fireplace, a mug of hot tea held in both of our hands. I still can't believe that she agreed to go with me. Maybe we're making progress. Or maybe she just wanted to get out of that house so bad.

"Thought you could use a couple days away from the city, clear your head," I tell her.

"So you mean get me away from my brothers?" She tells me, her eyebrow cocked in the exact same way that both of her brothers do.

"Maybe," I say with a slightly sheepish grin. "I know they've been hovering a lot and you could use some space,"

"I don't think they understand, I'm not a child. I lost a baby, but I think that makes me more adult than I've ever been. I've had to grow up kind of fast over the past few months,"

"I know," I tell her, "But you're a Halstead, Halsteads are fighters,"

"I wish I didn't have to be," She tells me.

"No one wants to have to fight, but everyone gets dealt a different hand. Yours sucks a lot, but there are a lot of people who got dealt a much worse hand. But you you fight, that's all you can do," I tell her with a solemn smile. She looks back at me for a second, before the two of us succumb to staring into the raging flames.

So much has changed in the past few months. Would everything have been so much easier if Ellie never showed up at our door? Yeah. But I can't turn back time and I can't abandon her either. But I want Jay back. I want us to work, but I just don't know if we can anymore. He has a teenager now. Well a teenager that we were supposed to raise together, with his brother. It's just all so complicated now.

"I broke up with him," She says out of the blue.

"What?" I ask, not really knowing what she said as I snapped back to reality, color rushing to my cheeks. "Sorry I zoned out for a minute,"

"Lucas, I told him a couple days ago that I was done, that we're done,"

"Did you tell him about the baby," I ask her, curling my legs up to my chest under an unbelievably soft white blanket.

"No, he doesn't deserve to know," She says, delivering a soft punch to my heart. I don't think she meant it or maybe she did, I'm not sure. But Lucas is 17 and irresponsible and her boyfriend that will very willingly waltz in and out of her life. But she thinks Jay deserves to know. He does and he should know, but I just don't know if I could tell him.

"I know him too well, if it hadn't happened and I chose to have her, he wouldn't have been there. Maybe financially, his father would have created a huge trust fund and would insist that she would have the Hartwell name, carry on the legacy. Regardless of whether his son decided to show up," She tells me, a certain sadness in her eyes.

"She?" I question, taking in her statement but deciding to ignore it. I got the sense she doesn't really want to talk about that.

"Gut feeling, I lost the baby too early to tell so that's all I have to go on," She says, a sadness in her eyes.

"I get that," I tell her. I know what she means. For those two days that I knew about my child, I had a feeling that he was a boy. I could see it all, a head of curly brown hair and those big blue eyes, his dad's freckles and my dimples.

"I would have named her Alice," She says.

"It's pretty," I tell her. It really is a gorgeous name, I know think I've ever thought about it, but it's pretty. I've only gotten a brief glimpse of Lucas, but I'm going to believe that she would have had those big blue Halstead eyes.

"Yeah, I've always kind of liked it," She says with a smile. "Maybe one day right?" I feel another pang in my chest. She doesn't know what that means, but that's what I said to Jay the first day that there was even a glimmer of hope for us.

"Yeah," I say, swallowing the lump in my throat, "maybe one day,"

* * *

"So," Ellie says as we wash up the dishes from dinner, my hands deep in warm soapy water and her's clutching a towel as she dries plates. "When are you going to tell him?"

"Elle we talked about this, I told you my reasoning," I tell her. After everything that happened, Ellie and I have definitely gotten closer, but this weekend really did get us to continue in that bonding. Though that hasn't stopped her from asking me this exact question.

"Erin he deserves to know," She tells me as I shut the water off, wiping the subs off my hands with a dish towel. The dirty dishes can wait. "He loves you. God Erin he loves you so much, why can't you just tell him?"

"I don't know!" I finally yell, all the emotions of the past year bubbling to the surface. I can tell she's shocked, I'm shocked. But damn, I feel so much better.

"That felt good didn't it?" She questions.

"Yeah," I say as the lump in my throat grows larger and larger as I attempt to swallow it. "It really did,"

"You told me that sometimes it just feels good to scream, you got to take your own advice sometimes," She tells me with a solemn smile.

"You are wise beyond your years Elle," I say. "I'm sorry this weekend was supposed to be for you,"

"Erin I'm okay," She tells me.

"No you're not," I respond.

"Maybe, but I'm a hell of a lot closer to being okay then you are," She tells me, "and that's to your credit. These past couple days, they've given me closure. It wasn't fun, but talking about it was good for me. Talking about it with someone that I knew knows exactly what I feel like, the emptiness and the guilt. But I don't think you have that closure, you're not okay,"

"And you think that telling Jay will just fix me?" I respond.

"No, but I think it'll help you to move on," She tells me. "There's no magic fix, you and I both know that,"

"Ellie you're 17," I tell her, trying to rack my brain for any and all excuse to not tell him. I know that I should, but I just really don't want to.

"And you're 31, what's your point?" She tells me, that sass coming through again.

"I don't know," I say, finally letting my walls down for her. "I don't know,"

"Why is it so hard to accept that you might need my help more than I need yours?" She asks.

"Because I'm supposed to the grown up," I tell her, "I'm supposed to take care of you,"

"No you're not, this situation is insane. No one was prepared and no one was ready, that was pretty obvious and it's continued to be that way, but you don't have to take care of me. We take care of each other, that's just how it's going to be,"

"But that's not how it's supposed to be," I argue back softly.

"Well parents are supposed to die and neither are babies, but that happens. So this is going to have to happen to," She tells me. Every day, Eloise Jane Halstead manages to blow my mind without even realizing it.

"You know, we kind of got lucky with you," I tell her with a smile. We really did. Before we met her, I remember how scared I was. I was convinced that she was going to hate us, or she was going to hate me. Or that she would be as bad as I was. I was scared of it all.

"I was kind of a bitch for a pretty long time and I uh I kinda forced you out of the house and of your relationship so I'm not sure where that's coming from,"

"Well first, I just want to make something very clear to you, okay? Me moving out was not your fault, that was between me and your brother and I don't want you to feel guilty about that. And second, I don't know what your brother has told you about my childhood,"

"He hasn't said anything," She interrupts, a confused look on her face.

"Let's just say I didn't have the easiest time," I say, my gut instinct to protect her still running strong. "And Sergeant Voight, he's not my biological father. I moved in with him and his wife Camille when I was 16 and I raised hell,"

"You?" She questions. "You were a rebellious teenager?" I almost laugh. God that doesn't even begin to describe it, but from her perspective it does make sense.

"Elle I was awful," I say with a slight smile, "I'll tell you about it some day, once you're past the phase of being a teenager, don't want to give you any ideas,"

"Whatever you say," She says with a smile, "but please, I am begging you. You have to tell him,"

"Ellie," I say slowly.

"Don't just say my name," She pleads, "You have to tell him. I know that you want to spare him the pain, but it was his son too and he deserves to know. Besides what is the worst that could happen?"

I open my mouth to respond but I can't think of anything. We aren't together, so he can't leave me. Though I don't think he would even if we were together, but I just don't want to tell him. But I have to, I know I have to.

* * *

 **Jay**

"Hey big brother, have a good time?" I tease as he comes in through the doors, his hair messy. He got laid, he definitely got laid. If the hair wasn't enough to give it away, there's a certain look on his face.

"Shut up," He says as he passes by me, heading straight for the stairs, annoyance in his voice but a smile on his face.

He and Natalie have been casually dating for the past month or so. He wouldn't have told me if I didn't see his phone light up with a text from her one night. But it's different for him this time, she has a kid so he can't be irresponsible like he has in past relationships. Their time also tends to be limited with each other. But earlier tonight, he rushed out the door. I assume Natalie's mother-in-law offered to take Owen or something, but it's been really nice seeing him happy for the last few weeks.

I chuckle before going back to the Blackhawks game playing on the TV. But it's not long before I hear the rumbling of the garage door beneath us. That's strange, Erin and Ellie shouldn't be home until tomorrow morning.

"Hey big brother," Ellie says, climbing up the stairs from the garage level, barely stopping to greet him.

"Oh hey," I say, my neck craning to follow her until she disappears upstairs. Erin follows her only a couple minutes later, a duffel bag slung over her shoulder.

"You're home early," I comment, still confused, "I thought you we're coming home until tomorrow," That's what she told me anyway,

"Ellie wanted to come home, get some of her stuff ready for school on Monday," She tells me, her hair tossed into a bun on top of her head after a long day of driving.

"She's going to school tomorrow?" I question. I still thought we were at least a week out from that. I guess that Erin is just a really good therapist or something.

"Yeah," She tells me as she plops down on the couch next to me, the very same couch we tested for form and function. "I think she just wants to get back to her life, move on,"

"Well I'm glad, it's good for her to get back to that," I tell her. There's something weird going on with Erin, she looks distracted, misty eyed. "You okay?" I ask, "you seem off,"

"I'm fine, just tired. Ellie decided she wanted to come back a few hours ago, so it was all pretty last minute," She explains. "I'm just going to head up to bed, rest and relaxation,"

"You sure? It's only like 9 PM, there's a game on," I tempt her, knowing of her love of the Chicago Blackhawks.

"Yeah I'm sure, tell me who wins in the morning?" She asks.

"Of course," I say, forcing a smile to hide my disappointment. She smiles back at me before getting back off the couch, heading towards the stairs to all of our bedroom. But just as she's about to set foot on the first step, she stops and makes a pivot back towards me, sparking a sense of hope in my chest.

"I'm sorry," She says, dropping her off her arm and sitting back on the couch next to me, "I really need to talk to you about something,"

"Okay," I say, grabbing the remote and flicking off the TV. I can pretty much ensure that she won't appreciate the cheers of Blackhawks fans while she tells me whatever she needs to. "What's up?"

"Do you remember last year, right before Christmas you went to work a case with SVU in New York?" She asks.

"Yeah, it was the human trafficking ring,"

"So that week," She stops to take a deep breath. "God I didn't realize how hard this was going to be,"

"It's okay, tell me," I say, preparing myself for the worst. I feel like she's about to tell me that she cheated on me. It's completely out of character for her, but I don't know what else she would be so upset about.

"That Tuesday, I found out I was pregnant," She tells me, tears begging to line the edge of her eyes.

"What?" I ask. That doesn't make any sense, that was over a year ago. Wait.

"I was pregnant, twelve weeks." She tells me, "That Friday. I lost it. Him. It was a little boy," I can't even begin to process anything as the shock hits me like a wrecking ball, straight in the chest. But it all makes sense. She knew how to deal with Ellie, she knew what she needed. She knew because she had gone through it. She went through it alone. She went through it alone because she didn't tell me. I could have been there for her, if only she would have told me.

"I'm sorry I have to go," I say, shooting up from my seat, grabbing my keys, wallet, and phone.

"Jay," She protests as I move through the house.

"I need some space," I tell her, still not knowing how to process everything she just told me. We had a child. A little boy. We should have a five month old baby right now and I didn't even know about him.

"Are you coming back?" She asks. I don't answer her before running out the front door. I don't know. I don't know where I'm going. I don't have a plan. I need to think and process, digest. And I know I can't do it here.

* * *

 **Sorry for the long wait on this chapter, but I hope you enjoyed it! I'm on summer break now, so I should (fingers crossed) be updating more often!**

 **Please review!**

 **xoxo,**

 **Addie**


	11. One Thing

**Thank you to everyone who has continued to read and review this story! I read every single one of your reviews and they really do encourage me to write faster, so keep them coming!**

 **This chapter is a little on the shorter side and I don't think this is my best work, but I really did want to get something up for you guys tonight.**

 **Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

 **Ellie**

From my perch at the top of the stairs, I heard everything. I heard the strain in Erin's voice as she convinced herself to finally open up to him. I heard the shock in Jay's silence as he tried to process what the girl he loves is trying to tell him. I heard the front door slam as he stormed away. I heard Erin's sobs as she collapsed onto herself.

I don't know what to do. I can't face her. I was the one who convinced her to do this. I promised her that everything was going to be okay. I told her that this wouldn't happen. But I guess I don't know my brother as well as I thought I did.

So I go to the last person remaining. Will. He'll know what do. He always knows what to do. He's the logical one. He'll be able to talk to Erin. And maybe he'll be able to find Jay and talk some sense into him.

* * *

 **Will**

"Will!" I hear as Ellie pushed her way into my room, my door not standing a chance as she barges in.

"What's wrong?" I ask, seeing the panic in her eyes.

"You gotta go talk to Erin," She tells me, not answering my question at all and simply furthering the confusion.

"What happened to Erin?" I ask, "didn't you guys just get back,"

"Our brother is being a douche bag," She tells me with a pissed off face, those blue eyes stony and raw.

"What?" I ask, my face wrinkled with confusion.

"Just go talk to her, I can't do it,"

"Okay," I say, not questioning her but still confused. She leads me down to the final flight of stairs before she stops, crossing her arms and urging me to continue down to the base floor alone. As I round the corner, all I can see is Erin as a sobbing mess curled up on the couch. I don't think I've seen her like this, maybe ever. Erin Lindsay doesn't let her walls down, she keeps them up and strong against any attacks.

"Erin?" I say softly as I come up to her. "What happened?"

"Oh God, it's my fault," She says hysterically as I sink into the couch beside her, "I should have told him, I should have told,"

"Erin, told him what?" I ask frantically, seeming to be the only one who's out of the loop.

"About the baby," She cries. The baby? What baby?

"Erin are you pregnant?" I ask her. The timelines kind of match up. It's been maybe eight weeks since the break up, it's possible she could just now be finding out.

"I was," She says, calming down slightly, "I lost it and I didn't tell him. And then I did, and he left," Oh my God. That's why she knew what to do with Ellie. She knew because she'd already been through it. She went through it and none of us knew.

"What do you mean he left?" I ask in a panic. I was down here maybe fifteen minutes ago. He couldn't have made it far, though I don't think he left, left.

"He just said he had to go," She chokes out, "said he needed space,"

"Erin that doesn't mean he's leaving, he just needed to go blow off steam,"

"How do you know that?" She demands. Well that's where that comes in. I don't know. I just have a feeling. But that's all I have, a feeling.

"I don't, but I'm going to go find him," I tell her. It's more about protecting him than it is about her. I know how my brother can get, when he gets shocked or thrown out of his comfort zone, he gets reckless. And reckless can become dangerous. "I think I know where he is,"

* * *

I sigh as I pull up to Molly's. He's here, I know he is. If my inkling of an idea was enough conformation for me, his car is here. I just knew he was going to be here, where else would he be? It's not like he has anywhere else to go. Maybe six months ago, he would have gone to my place, but now my place is his place. So that leaves Molly's, a bar. Great.

The last thing he needs right now is a drink, that'll only shuffle his emotions further. I sigh as I yank my keys out of the car, the ignition silencing as I walk into the bar, the Chicago chill nipping at my heels. I was here only a couple of hours ago, laughing over drinks with Natalie, but the mood has changed, circumstances have changed.

"Hey Gabby," I say as I walk into the front door, grateful to see the familiar paramedic manning the bar. "Jay here?"

She nods me over to the other end of the bar where I see my little brother, head hung low as he nurses a glass of scotch.

"How many has he had?" I ask her before approaching him.

"Hasn't even got through half of that one, but he's not talking," She tells me as she pours something for another customer.

"Thanks," I tell her swiftly, having all the information I need. He's not bingeing on scotch, that's good. That's all I needed to know.

"You know I could hear you talking to her," He says, moping as I take a seat on the empty stool next to him, the twinkles lights hanging from the ceiling barely lighting the room.

"I know," I tell him, keeping my voice soft as I know that he could go off at any moment.

"I hate it when people do that, talk about me like I'm not right there, Dad used to do it all the time," He says, still not looking me in the eyes.

"Well I'm not Dad," I say. "But I'm here and you're going to talk to me,"

"Why would I do that?" He responds.

"Because there is a girl at home who you love, who is crying her eyes out because you just ran out on her. So you are going to talk to me," I tell him. I know he's not going to want to.

"You want to talk? Fine," He exclaims, slamming his glass down on the bar as I wince, "She lied to me, for a year. She lied to me and then she sprung all of this on me at once and just expected me to be okay with it,"

"Are you fucking kidding me Jay?" I respond, restraining my urge to yell at him. "She lost a baby, a child. That baby was a part of her, whatever reason she had for not telling you, she still lost her baby,"

"She should have told me," He says softly.

"And you should have told her about Abby, but you didn't. Then she found out, but she didn't run, you did," I tell him, suddenly furious at my brother. He has a right to do this, but it doesn't make it okay.

"I'm not running Will, I'm just trying to figure everything out," He tells me, running his hands through his hair.

"What is there to figure out? Go talk to her, talk with her," I urge him. I love my little brother and I'm always going to support him, but I'm also always going to call him out on his crap. Especially when Erin is involved. She's already been tossed around so much in her life and she hasn't had it easy, my brother won't be contributing to that.

"You know what Will, you're telling me that she lost a baby. So did I, that little boy was as much my son as he was hers. Only she has the control, she was the one who decided not to tell me," He argues.

"Don't you want to know why?" I ask him. "Maybe she had a reason,"

"What kind of reason is there?" He asks, a deepness in his voice as his eyes connect with mine,

"I don't know Jay and I don't think it matters either. She obviously had one and she is in a lot of pain. She is at home, crying on the couch and you're here,"

"We could have dealt with this a year ago," He says, his eyes back on the glass of amber liquid in front of him.

"Well you didn't, all you can do is deal with it now. So go home and deal with it,"

* * *

 **Erin**

"Erin!" I hear as the garage door rumbles shut underneath me. "We're back!" We? Did he bring Jay back with him?

"Up here," I call back, quickly wiping away my tears and hoping to God that the puffiness around my eyes isn't too bad. He doesn't need to know that I was crying. Who am I kidding? He'll know, he always knows. That man can read me like no one else, he's always been able to.

"I brought him home, the rest it up to you," Will tells me before giving me a quick kiss on the top of the head and going upstairs. It's not in a romantic way at all, but friendly, brotherly. And right now, I definitely appreciate it.

"Thanks Will," I say after him, Jay suddenly making his appearance from the downstairs staircase. I can't even guess how he's feeling, there's so many possibilities that I can't get a handle on it. He's probably mad, but he's going to be sad too. He has to grieve, it's a year late, but he still lost something. And he's confused, he doesn't know what's going on, I've been holding all the cards.

"Hey," I say softly as he walks over to me, his face not giving me any clues.

"Why?" He says as he sits down next to me, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"You didn't need to know and I thought that if I could keep you from experiencing the pain that I felt, that's what I needed to do," I tell him. That's my honest answer, whether he believes me or not is another scenario. But when I made the call to do that, I really did think that I was making the best call. I knew what I was feeling and I didn't want him to have to, that's what you do for the people that you love, you take care of them. This was the only way I could think do that in this situation. I didn't really think about the other side of it.

"What made you tell me?" He asks.

"Ellie," I say, settling my hands together in my lap.

"Her having-" He starts.

"No, not that, just Ellie," I say, cutting him off, "I told her, that night in the hospital. She's been trying to get me to tell you ever since,"

"This weekend," He says, filling in the blanks.

"Yeah, she finally got through to me," I tell him, "Convinced me that you needed to know, that you deserved to know,"

"I just need to know one thing,"

"Anything,"

"Would you have ever told me? If the whole situation wouldn't have happened with Ellie?"

"You want the honest answer?" I ask him. He nods. "No, I probably wouldn't have told you,"

"Okay," He says. Then he takes a deep breath, sits next to me and pulls me tightly into his arms. It feels good familiar, but I'm confused. I did not think that this was where this was going. "I'm sorry,"

"Wait for what?" I say as I pull away slightly.

"For everything. That you had to go through this, that you felt like you had to shoulder it all on your own, for running out, for making you cry, I'm sorry for everything," I don't say anything, we just sit there as I let him hold me, the familiar sound of his heartbeat filling my ears, a few solitary tears running down my cheeks.

"Jay," I say as I lean into him.

"Yeah?" He responds as he lifts his head slightly.

"Will you stay with me tonight? I just don't want to be alone, not right now," I tell him. It feels good, knowing that I've let down the walls. I'm not hiding anything from him anymore. We're not together, but maybe this is the first step towards getting back to where we were. Everything's out in the open again.

"Anytime Er,"

* * *

 **Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Hoping to keep the frequent updates up, but I make no promises. Also, I have a story that I was writing a couple of months ago but I've been struggling a little bit to update it, so please let me know if you guys are still interested in reading Coming Home.**

 **My PM is always open if you guys have any questions or comments, so do not hesitate to reach out!**

 **Please review!**

 **xoxo,**

 **Addie**


	12. It's What We Do

**Sorry about the wait, but I hope you guys like this chapter! And just a quick thank you to everyone who has stuck with this story!**

* * *

 **Erin**

As I wake up, the moonlight streaming through the window and Jay's arm slung my waist, his breathing shallow and slow as the familiar scent of his shampoo filling my nose. I told him everything last night. I told him everything and then he came back. He's here, lying next to me in my bed. But it doesn't change anything, our problems are still our problems, a night in the same bed didn't change that. Or maybe it does I don't know. I thought that last night clarified things and it did, in some ways. But it also created about a dozen more loose ends.

I hold my breath as I slip out from under his arm, hoping that he won't wake up. I peer over at the clock, 4:53 AM. Too late to try to get back to sleep, we'll have to be up for work in an hour and a half anyway. I should go for a run. I haven't done it in a while and it'll be good for me, allow myself to clear my head, just be alone for a little while. I quietly grab a pair of leggings, a tank top, a sports bra, and a pair of socks, knowing that I have a jacket tossed over an armchair in the living room and my sneakers should be sitting by the front door, gloves and a hat in the front closet.

I sneak out of the room after grabbing my phone and pair of earbuds off my nightstand, my steps quiet along the hardwood floor as I hold my breath and cross my fingers that he won't wake up. I'm not trying to avoid him, but I need a minute before we can talk. Well, before I know what I'm going to say.

I cross the hallway into the bathroom, stripping off the clothes I feel asleep in last night and pulling the running clothes over my petite frame. I splash some water on my face and brush my teeth, running a comb through my hair and tossing it up into a tight ponytail.

I make quick work of the stairs to the first floor, wanting nothing more than to be running through the crisp darkness of Chicago in December. Jay and I have always done it, Will thinks we're crazy but a little polar vortex won't stop it.

"Erin?" I hear from Ellie as touch foot on the main floor, nearly knocking me over in shock.

"Elle?" I ask as I walk closer to her, "What the hell are you doing awake? It's 5 o'clock in the morning,"

"I could say the same for you," She tells me, a fluffy blanket wrapped around her shoulders.

"Couldn't sleep," I admit reluctantly, taking a seat opposite the couch on our coffee table. I don't plan on telling her the part about me and Jay sleeping in the same bag, I don't need to complicate things in her head.

"Did you talk to Jay?" She asks as she sits up, looking me dead in the eyes.

"Kind of," I tell her, "There's still a lot of things that we have to discuss, but yeah we talked,"

"And?" She inquires, leaning forward.

"Things haven't really changed," I admit to her with a solemn look on my face.

"I'm sorry,"

"It's okay," I tell her, "Have you slept? Like at all?" I ask her, trying to divert the focus away from me and back onto her. I've talked enough about myself.

"Couple hours, I couldn't stay down though." She tells me.

"Are you still going to go to school today?" I ask her, crossing my legs in front of me.

"There's no use in holding it back any longer," She insists with a shrug, "I have to go back at some point,"

"I'm proud of you kid, I know your brothers are too," I assure her with a soft and hopefully encouraging smile.

"Halsteads survive, it's what we do. If anything, that's what I've learned," She tells me.

"Okay," I say with a light chuckle, noticing the similarity of the response that I know I've gotten from both brothers. "I'm going to go out for a run,"

"Seriously? Erin it's like five degrees outside," She says with a pretty exaggerated eyeroll, one I've gotten pretty used to seeing, you have to having a teenager in the house.

"I know," I say with a little twinkle in my eye, "Wanna come?"

"What the hell, we might get frostbite, but it sounds fun," She says, getting up. "I'll go get dressed, I'll be right back,"

"I'll make coffee,"

* * *

 **Jay**

I open my eyes to the blaring of my alarm clock, foreign sights around me as I quickly realize that I'm not in my room, I'm in Erin's. But as I reach my arm over, the other side of the bed is empty and the sheets are cold. Oh God. She ran, she ran again.

I leap out of bed, Erin never wakes up before me. That right there, she's a girl who loves her sleep and might kill someone who got between her and a bed. Basically, I can't remember a time when she was up and out of bed before me. In a panic, I run down the hallway and down the stairs, only to see Erin and Ellie both sitting at the bar with messy ponytails and cups of coffee in hand.

"What's got you so wound up big brother?" Ellie teases as she takes a sip of the tea.

"Nothing," I say, trying to hide both the shock and the smile on my face. "Just uh, we should get ready for work. And you, need to be getting ready for your first day back,"

"I got it," Ellie says with smirk as she slips off the bar and slinks upstairs. "Are you taking me or I am driving myself?"

"I'll take you in," I tell her, "Erin you going to ride with us?"

"I'll drive myself in, you guys can talk on the way to school,"

"Talk about what?" I ask her.

"You don't need a subject. She's your sister, just talk to her, bond" She tells me. Though I'm still coming off the rush of thinking that she was gone, even I know that she's right. She's my sister and she's been living with us for months, but I barely know her. We have the same blood running through our veins and I barely know her.

"Okay," I respond as I grab Ellie's abandoned cup of coffee and take a long swig, though quickly being shocked by the overload of sugar as I nearly gag. "Oh my god did she put the entire bag of sugar in here?"

"Close," Erin says with a slight laugh as she hops off the stool. "That'll teach you not to steal her coffee,"

"Duly noted," I say as I rush over to the pot to get a cup of unaltered coffee, using the bitter to cover up the sugar glazed over my entire mouth.

"I'm going to go jump in the shower and clean off some of the defrosting sweat," She tells me. "I'll see you at work,"

"So are we going to talk about last night?" I ask as she walks away from me.

"There's nothing to talk about," She says without turning to face me. Of course that's what she'd say. But there is a lot to talk about. There is everything to talk about. We pretty much left everything up in the air last night. A lot of that is my fault because I ran. She told me and I ran.

"What happened last night?" Will teases as he comes down the stairs, already in his scrubs.

"You know what happened," I tell him, giving him that look. If Erin won't talk with me about it, there's no way in hell I'm talking to Will about it.

"I mean after that, I saw both of you in her room last night," He tells me, the smirk all three of us share written all over his face. I could slap him for that.

"Nothing happened,"I tell him honestly. "Just drop it okay,"

"Fine," He says, filling a very large travel coffee cup, "I'm going in, I'll be back tonight. Try not to have a house catastrophe while I'm gone please?"

"I'll try my best, try to kill anyone,"

"Try my best," He says, echoing my response grabs his coat and keys, "Tell Ellie to have a good first day,"

"Will do," I say as the door slams behind him, a slight rush of the Chicago wind coming with it, leaving me alone to my thoughts and a cup of coffee. What do I talk to a seventeen year old about? Especially one who's been put through the ringer the way she has. I get that Erin wants us to bond and I know that we should. Even though it took a little bit of time, she bonded so effortlessly with both Will and Erin. So what the hell am I doing wrong?

* * *

 **Ellie**

I stare at my reflection in the mirror on the back of my door. It's weird, seeing myself in this uniform again. My whole world has changed since the day that I last put it on. Not physically, but it feels like I've outgrown it, like I've grown up too much. My hair is blow dried into straight perfection, a headband sitting just behind my ears and my white button up free of wrinkles, the plaits of my skirts perfectly ironed, all aspects of my look from just over an hour ago long gone.

And today, it almost seems wrong, with everything going on with Jay and Erin that I can just go back to school. But they're going to work and the world keeps spinning, we keep moving, no matter how hard it is to accept that.

So we move on. And in my case, you make up a really good cover story as to why I've been gone for so long. I didn't tell Lucas about the baby, but the lines kind of extended beyond that. Even Rory doesn't know.

She's my best friend and I've never kept anything from her, but she doesn't know about this. It's not that I don't trust her, but I didn't want her to have know, I didn't want her to have to figure out what to say to me after the words left my mouth. Or maybe I just didn't want to see that pity in her eyes again. I don't know. Halsteads seem to be a tragedy magnet, pity always follows. I hate the pity.

I don't know what I'm going to say to everyone though, maybe that I just had a psychotic break. Maybe I had pneumonia. There's a myriad of things that could have been wrong with me, but the one thing that won't come up is the truth. I'll make sure of that.

"Ellie c'mon!" I hear Jay's voice from downstairs.

"Coming!" I call back, grabbing my fully packed backpack from my bed and my thick coat and hustling down the double flight of stairs. I'm still kind of surprised that Jay volunteered to take me to school. I mean sure he's my brother and we live in the same house, but I'm still closer to Will and Erin. I want to know my brother, I want to be closer to him, but it's just harder. His walls are up higher and they were built stronger.

"We gotta go," He tells me, handing me a muffin at the bottom of the stairs as we head out the door, the polar vortex freezing my face for the second time today. The two of rush over to the Sierra, the prized spot in the garage held by Erin's 300. Jay quickly turns on the ignition and turns on the heat full blast, trying to defrost both of us before setting off for Bellamy.

"So," Jay says as we roll down the street, "you excited to go back?"

"It's high school, were you ever excited to go?" I question him. Though I might not be one of those kids who absolutely despises school, there are some definitely places that I'd rather be.

"No, unless I had a hockey game that night and even then I was just counting down the minutes for the bell to ring so I could go to the rink," He tells me as we turn onto Lincoln Avenue.

"So what do you think my answer is," I tell him as I look over, my eyebrow raised.

"Good point," He offers.

"It had to happen though," I tell him as I rip off a piece of the muffin, "It's a good thing,"

"You sure you're ready? If you need to come home, just call me. One of us will come get you," He assures me.

"I'm going to be fine." I tell him, realizing that this might be a good place to segway, well not good, but acceptable. "So how are you and Erin doing?"

"You don't need to worry about us El,"

"You're my family," I say, "It's my job to worry about you,"

"But you're the kid, we are taking care of you, so don't worry about us. We can handle it," I almost have to scoff at that, though I hold it back. Those two are messy and it's a mess they won't clean up by themselves. They need a push.

"Yeah okay," I say, in a voice that assures him that I don't really believe that.

"Fine," He concedes, "It's not looking great right now. We're at a little bit of a standstill, but we'll make it though. We always do,"

"Just don't give up on her," I ask him.

"I wouldn't dream of it," He promises me. "I'm not going anywhere Elle,"

"Good, she needs you. I don't think she realizes it yet, you just have to keep trying." I tell him. "You got really lucky with her, you don't want to let that go,"

"I know," He tells me with a smile, "I remind myself of that everyday,"

"Good," I tell him, leading us into a slightly awkward silence.

"So," He says as we roll down the snowy Chicago streets, "I was thinking that maybe we could go to the cemetery tonight,"

"Really?" I ask, the shock pretty evident in my voice.

"Yeah," He says, "You haven't been since the funeral and I'd like to visit my mom,"

"Your mom?"

"Did we never talk about this?" He says.

"No," I say, "I mean Will mentioned a while ago that she died,"

"Yeah, it was a long time ago. I was in the military when it happened, but I came back for the funeral. She's buried in the family plot, next to your parents,"

"I didn't notice," I tell him, guilt flowing through me.

"Of course you didn't," He tells me, "Besides, she kept her maiden name on her headstone. Even if you did see it, the name Kerry Sloane wouldn't have meant anything to you,"

"But they're all buried together?"

"Yeah," He tells me with a solemn smile, "You can meet her, assure her that her sons aren't screwing up too bad,"

"You're doing great, don't worry," I tell him with a smile as we pull into the parking lot of Bellamy Prep. "Hey this isn't the drop off lane,"

"You thought I was just going to kick you out of the car?"

"Yeah kinda," I tell him.

"Nah," He tells me with a grin, giving me a light punch on the shoulder, "I'm walking you in,"

"Seriously?" I ask him again as he turns off the ignition of the car.

"Oh yeah," He says with a laugh, "c'mon let's go," I give him a slight laugh as I jump out of the car, the snow crunching under my boots before I meet him at the back end of the truck, the giant car standing out from the other shiny sedans in the lot.

"So who's picking me up today?" I ask as we cross the asphalt, the stares already starting. I knew they would come. I wouldn't say that I'm necessarily popular, but when my parents died, my name became known and when I left school for a couple weeks, people noticed and people talked. I knew the stares were coming.

"Not sure yet, probably me or Erin. Will's working until late tonight," He tells me, though I'm not really listening to him. The stares have now graduated to whispers and points. "Hey," He says, pulling my attention back.

"Yeah sorry," I say, giving my head a slight shake as I look back up at him.

"Screw them all," He says, clearly picking up on it as we walk through the front doors of Bellamy. "It's going to be okay,"

"I know," I say as I hear Jay's phone beep in his hand. "Who's that?"

"It's Erin," He says, "I have to go, we found a body,"

"Okay I'm good," I assure him as I gratefully notice Rory surrounded by a couple of girls we're friendly with. "You can go,"

"Alright," He says, still seeming nervous to let me go. "Call me if you need anything please,"

"Go catch a bad guy, it's just high school, I'll be fine,"

"Okay," He says with a slight smile, "Have a good day, knock 'em dead kid,"

"I will," I assure him, watching as he leaves, making sure he actually walks out those doors.

"Elle Belle!" Rory exclaims, grabbing my from behind and pulling me into a tight hug, "Where the hell were you?"

"Just had a few things to take care of," I tell her, hiding the details and keeping it vague. I know she'll assume that it has to do with my parents' death and I won't correct her.

"Well I'm glad you're back, it wasn't the same without you around here," She says, giving me that wide smile as she pulls me back towards our group. Well more her group that I just tend to tag along with sometimes, consisting of Ainsley Gates, Zoe Carlton, Darcy Flynn, and Georgia Keating.

"So who's the hot guy?" Darcy questions with a smirk.

"Oh ew," I exclaim on instinct. I'm not blind to it, I know my brother's hot, they both are. But they're still my brothers and it's still weird.

"What?" She says, not realizing the reason for my reaction.

"It's her brother," Rory fills in for her, with a slight laugh, leading Darcy's face to turn bright red.

"Yeah my 33 year old and very much engaged brother," I say, bending the truth just a little bit. Hopefully it'll be true again soon.

"Oh my God I am so sorry," Darcy scrambles, trying to cover her tracks as the rest of the girls try to cover their laughs.

" It's okay," I assure, "Let's just drop it and go to class,"

"Gladly,"

* * *

 **I know the ending was a little awkward, but I did really want to get something up for you guys tonight because I've been dormant on this story for so long. Anyway, please let me know what you thought of this story in the reviews, they really do encourage me to write faster! Thanks for reading!**

 **xoxo,**

 **Addie**


	13. It's Me, Eloise

**JAY**

"Do you want to come to the cemetery with us tonight?" I ask Erin as we roll back from the crime scene.

"The cemetery?" She asks quietly, looking up from the road and over at me.

"Yeah, I told Ellie we could go tonight, she hasn't seen her parents since the funeral," I explain as we hit a bit of a pothole.

"Yeah of course," She responds. "If she's okay with it of course,"

"I didn't mention it to her, but I'm like 90% sure that she likes you better than me or my brother," I say with a laugh.

"Well when you say it like that," She tells me with a smile.

"And." I say, nervous to add on the last part, "I was going to see my mom, I'd like you to meet her. Or as close as it gets,"

"You do?" She asks.

"You wore her ring for six months and I honestly can't believe that I didn't get around to it sooner,"

"We're not a couple anymore Jay," She responds, her words delivering a sharp pang to my chest.

"I know, but we were. And you are still my partner and you are still my best friend," I explain to her. "And I feel like you should meet her,"

"Of course," She says, looking over at me with those kind hazel eyes. "Will's working late tonight though, are you sure that we should do it today?"

"I called him on the way to the crime scene, he's fine with it," I assure her. "And I think it'll be good for her, it's her first day back at school and I don't have any idea how it's going to go,"

"No I agree," She says, "It'll help her get some closure, maybe move on,"

"That's the plan,"

* * *

"Ellie!" I hear as I walk out of the building. I look over to see a smiling brunette standing at the the back of a bright white SUV waving at me as she hollers my name. She looks familiar and I can see the pants she's wearing under a long puffer match the burgundy scrubs that Will walks out the door in everyday. I don't really recognize her, but she doesn't exactly look like she could kidnap and kill me.

"Hi," I say, more than a little unsure. "Who are you exactly?"

"Sorry I thought Will said he was going to text you," She says as she frantically pulls out her phone. "And there it is," She laughs as she shows me a text reading, "Sorry forgot to tell Ellie, texting her now," I feel my phone buzz in my pocket and know exactly what that text will read. "Anyway, I'm Natalie,"

"Wait like Will's girlfriend," I question as I look her over. From what I've picked up from conversations between Erin, Jay, and Will, she's a pediatrician at Med and Will has been after her for quite awhile.

"If that's what he's calling me, then I guess so," She says with a smile, "Sorry about the late notice, Will got pulled into a case and Erin and Jay are finishing one up at the District,"

"Do you know when they'll be home?" I ask.

"She said around five, why did you guys make plans for tonight?" She asks as she pulls the coat tighter around her small frame.

"Uh yeah, kinda, I guess," I say, grateful that they'll still be home in time. It'll be getting dark by the time we leave, but there's still lights at the cemetery so I think we'll be okay.

"I hope you're still able to make it," She says as she puts a hand on my shoulder, a weird sense of closeness considering we met literally two minutes ago.

"Me too," I say as I look down at the ground, not knowing what to do with my hands.

"Let's get you home," She says with a shiver, "It's cold out here." I smile as I get into the front seat of her car, feeling a little unsure but knowing that I'm safe with her.

"Oh!" I say surprised as I open the front door of the car and I'm met the sounds of baby giggles from the back seat.

"Sorry, I should have mentioned that. This is my son Owen, did Will not mention that?" She asks.

"He must have," I say with a shaky laugh, I've never been great with babies, they make me nervous. "I probably wasn't listening,"

"He might get a little fussy, we're running a few minutes late for his nap and he's not great when we break his schedule," She explains as she jumps into the driver's seat before quickly pulling out of the parking lot.

"No worries," I say as I peek back at him. "He's adorable,"

"I like to think so," She says with a smile as we pull out of the parking lot to the sound of Owen's giggles.

"So how'd you and Will meet?" I ask her as she focuses on the road.

"We work together in the ED," She tells me. "We actually met while I was pregnant with Owen. His dad died in the Army before I even found out, so Will was a really awesome support to me. He was actually there when this little guy was born,"

"Wow," I say as we roll out onto the main road. "I didn't realize that you guys have been together that long,"

"No we actually just got together a little while ago, we were just good friends for a while."

"Oh okay," I say, my eyes tracing over the building in front of us as we drive towards the townhouse.

"Shoot," She exclaims as her phone goes off in the cupholder between us. "Ellie hon, can you read that text to me please?"

"Sure," I say, picking up her phone unsuredly. "It says Logan King 911."

"Crap!" She exclaims, increasing her speed quite a bit. "Ellie I am so sorry, but I have to run back to the hospital, patient emergency. Do you have a friend or someone that can pick you up from there?"

"Don't worry about," I insist, "I have my laptop, I can do some homework in the lounge until Erin or Jay can pick me up,"

"Are you sure?"

"Positive,"

"You are the best," She tells me as we wait, her very impatiently at a red light.

"Natalie, seriously don't worry about. I live with doctors and cops so I'm used to the last minute changes,"

"Doesn't make it any less unfair,"

"Well that's just life right?"

"I guess so," She says. "You and I have both been dealt a pretty crappy hand,"

"Well," I say as I glance back at Owen, "sometimes we can make something beautiful out of that."

* * *

"Ellie?" I hear, looking up from my Latin American history textbook to see my redheaded brother stepping into the doctor's lounge. "What are you doing here?"

"Natalie had an emergency with a patient right after she picked me up from school, I texted you,"

"Sorry it's been a crazy day," He says, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. "I haven't had a minute to check my phone. How long have you been here?"

"Just a couple hours," I assure him. "It was good, forced me to become very familiar with the British invasion of Buenos Aires,"

"Well good," He says with a chuckle. "Who's coming to get you?"

"Erin said she'd be here soon, we're going by the cemetery tonight,"

"Oh I forgot about that," He says, taking a swig of water. "I'm sorry I can't come with you guys."

"Hey don't worry about it, you're doing enough, saving the world and everything."

"I don't know if I'd go that far," He replies with a laugh, "but I appreciate the sentiment Elle,"

"Ellie?" I hear, both of us turning our heads as Erin pops her head into the lounge. "Oh hey guys,"

"Oh perfect timing," I say, starting to pack up my bag, "just finished,"

"C'mon kid," Erin says as she slips inside, "Let's head out,"

"See you guys at home in a few hours," Will says as I slip on my bag.

"Bye bro," I reply, giving him a little wave as the two of us fall back into the busy chatter of the ED.

"So Jay's just finishing up at the district and then he'll be on his way to meet us over there, sound good?" She tells me with a shiver as we walk through the sliding doors of the Chicago Med ED.

"Perfect," I tell her. Neither of us say anything else as we rush through the freezing air to the 300.

"How was your first day back?" She asks as we slide into the slowly warming car.

"Good," I tell her, blowing hot air into my hands in an effort to warm myself up. "People didn't really ask any questions, nobody wanted to."

"Did you talk to Rory or Lucas?" She asks, backing out of her spot.

"No," I answer. "I don't think I'll ever tell Lucas, I'll tell Rory eventually, when it feels right."

"You don't have to explain that one to me Elle," She says, looking over at me with a solemn smile.

"I know," I reply, grateful to have her in my life and to have her support. "Thank you, for not leaving."

"I did leave," She reminds me.

"But you came back," I offer, "That's what's important."

* * *

"Hey Ellie, Erin," Jay says, waving at us as we pull into the parking lot of the cemetery.

"Hey big brother!" I say, leaping out of the car to give him a hug, Erin following close behind me.

"You ready?" He asks, slinging his arm around me as we begin to navigate the multitude of gravestones in front of us.

"Let's go with yes," I tell him with an optimistic smile.

"That's my girl," He tells me, giving my shoulder a squeeze.

"You know where it is?" I ask him as Erin joins me on the other side.

"Yeah," He replies, "I've spent a whole lot of time here,"

"Thanks for bringing me with," Erin says, though I'm not sure who it's directed towards.

"Of course," I say, squeezing her hand as I answer for the both of us. We stroll silently for a few moments, past the gravestones lying between us, memories racing through my mind, the rides to school, my mom singing along to Lucky, the sound of my dad coming home from work, and the days on Lake Michigan every summer. That and guilt, that it took me this long to get here.

"This is it," Jay tells the two of us as we approach three nearly identical gravestones. I take a deep breath as I look over the three gray markers, one marked with Kerry Sloane, the others with Mira & Ian Halstead. It's a little freaky, thinking that there here, lying cold and dead beneath us. It's even weirder to think that someday, Jay, Willm and I will all join the three of them in the family plot.

"You okay?" Erin asks me as she runs a tender hand over my shoulder. I look up at her and nod. "Let's give her a minute," Erin tells Jay, placing her hand on his shoulder, a gesture I haven't seen for quite some time.

I linger in the silence for a few seconds as they drift away from me, drinking it all in.

"Hi Mama, hi Daddy, it's me, Eloise."


End file.
